Everyone has a different definition of “clean.” For some, it’s spotless counters and empty sinks. For others, it’s dishes marinating for three days and crumbs becoming part of the decor.

This roommate tried to ignore it at first. Really tried. But when the mess started crossing into full-on gross territory, she stepped in and began cleaning a little every day just to make the space livable.

Instead of appreciation, though? She’s now the “chronic complainer” who “can’t let things go.” Meanwhile, her roommates are totally fine coexisting with borderline biohazards. So now she’s stuck wondering: is she the problem or just the only one with standards?

AITA for being too clean of a roommate?

i (21f) live with three other girls (21-22 as well) and have been having an insanely difficult time all year because of how dirty they leave everything.

it got to a point where i physically couldn’t leave the mess alone, and thus started cleaning up after them a bit every day so instead of having to do a major reset every week, i spread my labor over each day.

this includes things like: leaving dishes until they rot, leaving food & crumbs on the floor, never mopping or vacuuming, leaving cardboard boxes piled up, never cleaning the shared bathroom, & never being the one to unclog drains.

Gross.

the reason i’m conflicted is that i lived with one of the girls last year (we’ll call her Sky) and didn’t have many issues with her. we became really close, but this year it hasn’t felt the same. we picked a sort-of shared friend to live with this year (we’ll call her Jane).

the last girl i live with is Janes roommate from last year. Sky & Jane have gotten very close this year, and ive been feeling a bit left out.

ive been able to get over that for the most part, but it has started to seem like they’ve begun to resent me over the cleaning.

That doesn’t seem fair.

i hv a bit of intel from a shared friend between me sky and jane, that the girls think i am a chronic complainer,& it’s hard to be around me because of that. i’ve tried to lay off the complaining since, but it doesn’t seem to hv changed much.

it seems like sometimes they really want to be my friend and hang out with me, and other times they can’t stand me.

sky also told the friend that it’s frustrating how much “small things” upset me, and how i never “give them enough of a chance” to get to things first, as everyone’s on a different busy college schedule.

That’s a little harsh.

i have attempted to lay off to see if they do get to cleaning eventually, but they really just don’t. there are dishes currently piled up in the sink that are 3 days old.

i feel crazy bc it seems like living in these conditions genuinely does not bother anyone but me. no one else is really bothered by the 3 day old dishes, & no one else rlly cares when other chores are put off for a long time.

to their credit, it’s not like they’ll NEVER do anything, but it takes a really long time (imo) for them to get to things, and they often do a bad job once they do.

Soooo frustrating.

i am the only one who works a pretty demanding job @ early hours, & i will get off my 4am start time shifts admittedly grumpy at times. i’ll come home around 1 or 2p to the house in the same state i left it in,while everyone is just sitting around.

ik in hindsight being visibly frustrated in these moments isn’t the most fair, as its not their fault they don’t have to work as much or as early as me, but in the moment its hard for me to conceal my frustrations.

i guess what im trying to ask is if it seems like im genuinely too uptight & high maintenance, and if its my fault the girls don’t want me around as much anymore. i miss being closer with them, but i don’t know if its salvageable anymore. AITA?

The general consensus: wanting basic hygiene isn’t high maintenance, but living with people who don’t share that standard rarely ends well without clear boundaries or agreed-upon rules.

This person says NTA at all.

This person just emphasizes. 

And this person suggests just living alone, that’s the key.

Maybe it’s not that she’s too clean, it’s that everyone else is way too comfortable with the mess.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.