When you are raising children without both parents being together, the expenses have to be split in a way that is fair for everyone.

What would you do if the father got primary custody of your eldest child, and then Dad kept telling you to pay for things like half of medical co-pays and half of extracurricular activities at school, but you didn’t have the money?

That is what is happening to the mom in this story, and she is upset that he is calling her a deadbeat for not covering those costs.

AITA for being a “deadbeat” parent to my older son?

Some background, my ex had been fighting for custody since 2020 and is still going.

This is a terrible setup.

He finally managed to get my older son living with him and because the courts kept my younger son with me we now only see the other child every other weekend so the boys can spend weekends together.

I filed for child support but because we make around the same, it was set at $0 with us splitting medical costs and him covering insurance.

His job is to support his kid, which is what he is doing.

So, before when both kids lived with me primarily I paid for everything for them – medical, extracurriculars, etc. my ex paid my rent and phone bill and paid for stuff for the kids separate from me.

He however decided he didn’t owe any support anymore when the custody became 50/50 even though its his job as a father to support his family.

Is the younger son his?

Now that my older son is with him he constantly hounds me for money that I can’t afford because I work part time now and have a baby with my new partner to take care of.

I also pay for my younger son (clothes, food, haircuts, school supplies, doctors visits) and never ask him for anything for him.

She kind of is being a deadbeat.

He feels that because he still pays on his own decision for clothing and shoes for my younger son that I am a “deadbeat” for not providing for my older son (I do still pay for half my older son’s braces which is like 100/month and for birthday/xmas gifts and got him a backpack for school).

Some things my ex keeps asking for:

Yup, that is a medical expense.

half of my son’s contact lens fees

half of copays for medical procedures

Were extracurriculars covered in the court order?

money for his extracurriculars which are OPTIONAL and cost way too much

half of school field trip fees

He isn’t exactly wrong.

I keep telling him I don’t have the money and now he is heavily implying I don’t care about my older son and that my older son is way more expensive than my younger son, so me not contributing to his expenses is basically “deadbeat” status.

The most hurtful thing he has said is that my kids stepmom provides more for my older son than I do because I won’t “step up,” which is terrible and unfair because she makes way more money as it is.

Yes, she should cover her half of any expenses like this.

So am I wrong for refusing?

AITA?

Yes, she sounds like she is neglecting her older son and letting the father do it all.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this.

This is what I was wondering about as well.

She is just sexist, that’s all.

Right, she is so entitled.

Splitting the expenses just makes sense.

Why does she think she is entitled to his money?

She should be paying for her half and not complaining about it.

If you enjoyed this post, check out this story about a husband who thinks the money his wife saved for her sons’ college should also help out his daughter.