Parenting can get trickier when two kids close in age hit the exact same milestone at the same time but handle it in completely different ways.

A dad has both a son and an adopted daughter and recently both teenagers started working toward getting their driver’s licenses.

From the beginning, he says he gave them the exact same rules.

If they wanted more freedom with a car, they needed to help pay insurance, cover their own gas outside of family errands, get jobs, and eventually buy the vehicle from him if they wanted full ownership and unrestricted access.

The problem is that the two teens approached those expectations very differently.

While the son jumped into driving practice, got a job immediately, saved money, and started paying his share, the daughter dragged out the process, avoided job applications, and still expected the same as her brother.

Read on for the full story.

AITAH for not giving my daughter a key to “her” car?

Alright, I have two kids that are really close in age – 8mo apart. One was adopted as preteen and is biologically my niece, the other is my bio son.

They are kinda going through some of the same milestones at the same time, the big one being driving.

My daughter took nearly a full year to get her license.

I have been telling her since before she was 15 that if she wanted to drive, she needed to do a few things, like…

Get a job, pay for part of her insurance, pay for any gas that is not gas she uses for family things, and if she wants free reign of the car, she has to buy it off me at market value.

But she didn’t exactly listen or care about the rules.

I have told my son, who’s a few months behind her in the process the exact same things, and he’s getting his license a few weeks after turning 16 vs waiting until nearly 17.

My daughter has been driving a car I have owned for 5ish years, that I bought to turn into a 4×4 toy but never got around to. (chevy s10 blazer).

My son asked for my help to find a vehicle, he wanted a truck, but nothing came up that was in a reasonable price range near us, so we bought… another s10 blazer (original I know).

Both are happy with those vehicles, we live in a rural area, and they meet their needs and are in reasonably good shape.

They have had very different approaches to the process…

More like night and day.

My daughter took a lot longer to get her license, she often turned down opportunities to drive, meaning it took a lot longer to get her 30 hours of driving in before she could get her license.

She has failed to get a job, I’ve even taken her to look for a job, and she has refused to fill out applications and has ignored calls from potential employers.

My son has taken every opportunity to drive, has asked for extra opportunities.

The day he was 16, he had a job lined up, and has been working hard at that job, to the point where his boss reached out to tell us how good he is doing.

And he keeps on giving.

He has already paid me for his part of insurance from money he had saved up before he got this job and has a plan to buy the car I bought for him to drive off me within the next 3-4 months.

He is looking to get his license next week.

My daughter approached me the other day to ask for her own copy of the key for the car she drives.

But she didn’t meet the requirements.

I told her “no”, she has not met the minimum standard I have asked her to when it comes to driving, and while I let her drive at my convenience, she will not have free rein of a vehicle she has not put any investment into.

And if she wants to have that ownership she needs to do the things that I’ve already told her I need her to do.

She is ****** at me saying I am treating her unfairly, because her brother is getting his license so much sooner than she did, and that he gets to drive his car whenever he wants.

But it’s not that simple.

(This is despite being on his permit still and only driving with me or my wife in the car), and that we’re giving him privileges she is not allowed to have.

I’m very frustrated because I don’t feel like my expectations are unreasonable or unclear.

But she’s acting (and saying) that I love him more than her…

AITA?

This is a lesson she needs to learn. It better be now.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about siblings who treat every social outing like a weird competition.

What did Reddit think?

Simple like that.

A reader shares their thoughts.

It’s something they have to go through.

Smells like rebel spirit.

Another reader chimes in.

Another thing to consider.

Honestly, this feels like one of those situations where “fair” and “equal” are getting confused with each other.

The father says both teenagers were given the exact same expectations from the beginning, but only one of them consistently followed through on those responsibilities.

The son actively worked toward earning more independence by practicing driving, getting a job immediately, paying insurance money, and making plans to buy the vehicle himself.

Meanwhile, the daughter apparently avoided a lot of the steps that would have given her those same privileges.

At the same time, I understand why she feels bothered watching her younger brother move through the process faster and gain freedoms she still doesn’t have.

Still, giving both kids identical outcomes regardless of effort probably wouldn’t teach either of them much about responsibility in the long run.

She needs to learn this lesson at some point. Comforts often require effort.