Most divorce stories involve arguments over houses, bank accounts, furniture, or who gets the dog.

But the times have changed. This one ended with Angry Birds.

A man was working in a remote part of Zambia when his wife suddenly sent him a text ending their marriage.

To make matters worse, their communication wasn’t the best since electricity wasn’t always available, and things between them quickly went downhill.

To be honest, neither of them handled the breakup very well… To say the least.

They had always been competitive with each other, turning everything from step counts to mobile games into a contest. This continued during their divorce.

One night, after one too many drinks and an unhealthy amount of wallowing, he found himself scrolling through a game they used to compete in together.

That’s when he noticed something that pushed him to do something petty.

Keep reading for the full story.

The Only Thing I Won in the Divorce

A few years ago, I pulled the pettiest revenge of my life on my now ex-wife.

I was in Zambia working on a community project when she sent me a Dear John text. At the time I was in a very remote area.

Power came and went. Mobile service came and went.

When you had it, you either used it immediately because there was no guarantee it would still be there a minute later.

She was back at our home in Europe finishing a project there. The divorce text felt somewhat unexpected, though in hindsight I probably should have seen it coming.

They were not exactly a cutesy couple.

We were stupidly competitive about games. Not in a toxic way. At least not yet.

We had a whiteboard at home dedicated to keeping score for cribbage and whatever else we were playing. Even our step count on the health app became a competition.

I once ran around the flat while she ran to the store to pick up dinner so that I would still win for the day.

We would even compete over who would win each episode and season of Alone. We were sort of gamers too.

But they had favorites.

We’d drink some wine or beer, veg out in front of the flatscreen playing Apple Arcade, and turn every dumb little game into a full-scale conflict.

One of those games was Angry Birds.

We would stay up later than the other person, beat their score, jump their rank, and keep the whole stupid rivalry alive.

I did not take the Dear John text very well.

By “not very well,” I mean I got drunk on village corn liquor and sent her a bunch of mean texts like a complete idiot.

Now they played mind games.

I was not behaving like a mature adult. She responded by freezing our joint bank accounts.

Now, freezing a bank account is bad anywhere.

In rural Zambia, that becomes a real problem.

Getting to an ATM already took effort, and even then there was no guarantee the machine had power, network, or actual money in it.

Looking back, if I had not acted like a drunken moron, maybe there would have been some tiny chance of repairing the relationship.

But then he saw that she was winning.

Well, one night I was lying under a mosquito net, drunk, angry, and feeling sorry for myself.

A torch was the only light. Right before I passed out, I checked my phone and saw I had service.

I had no one I wanted to call and I sure as hell didn’t feel like apologizing. For whatever reason, I opened Angry Birds.

And there she was.

While I was out there drinking corn liquor and ruining my life, she had apparently been busy.

Higher scores. Higher ranks. More progress.

He’d lose his wife but not the game.

That was when I realized I still had access to our shared Apple account.

So I deleted her Angry Birds profile.

Gone.

Then I changed my character name and drunkenly, one-eyed, typed out “**** You B” so she would know it was not a glitch.

I am slightly more mature now, and I do not drink anymore. I am still single. I do miss her sometimes, and the fun we had.

I do not think she misses me.

Don’t stay in toxic dynamics, people!

If you enjoyed this post, check out this story about a kind man who helped a friend pack up items to donate, then realized she wanted to take back her “payment.”

What did Reddit think?

“Good one, man!”

Valid.

Someone shared another story.

That’s a good observation.

Another reader chimes in.

Missed the chance to Rick Roll her.

The level of pettiness of these two is almost impressive.

Not because deleting someone’s Angry Birds profile is worthy of a lawsuit, but because it feels like the exact kind of thing that only makes sense at two in the morning when you’re heartbroken and emotionally dysregulated.

The marriage had been toxic, certainly for a while now. He was thousands of miles away trying to process everything.

And somehow the thing that finally broke him was seeing that she was beating him in Angry Birds. Something they used to sort of do together.

Was it mature? No.

Was it rational? Nope.

But hopefully he learned something from it since he thought about it enough to want to share it.

They lowkey belong together… Or maybe they were just a bad influence on each other that kept multiplying.