Growing up with parents who are constantly struggling with money is never easy. Sometimes, things just happen, and it is hard to keep up with life. Other times, however, money problems are entirely self-inflicted.

What would you do if your parents made horrible financial choices throughout their lives, but now that they are retired, they are begging you to support them?

That is the situation that the young man in this story is in, so he refused to help his parents. Not only because they were irresponsible throughout their life, but also because he doesn’t believe they would use his money in a smart way. They, and others in the family, think that he is out of line for refusing to support his parents.

I agree with him, and I don’t think he should have to support them. Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this story.

WIBTAH for refusing to help my parents pay off a 10-year-old loan that just wiped out my dad’s pension?

I (31M, ESL, SEA-PH) recently moved out of my family home (parents 58F/56M, grandparents), and a financial bomb just dropped.

How is it traditional for kids to hand over their salaries to their parents?

My mom is a former bank teller fired for unpaid loans. My dad earns below minimum wage and passively lets her handle everything, including his payroll ATM.

Growing up, I feared answering phones due to creditor threats. Mom is traditional, believes kids must hand over their entire salaries, and constantly compares me to others. I firmly disagree.

Wow, she is really horrible with money.

She has failed at countless businesses, constantly borrowing while saying, “Nobody died from loans.” She now runs a struggling online shop, hoarding unsold stock on our first floor while borrowing more.

She even won a 150cc scooter in a supplier raffle but rejected it to “pay off her balance.” I stopped giving her money because it just funds her failures.

Timeline:

Her bad finances have a direct impact on her family.

High School: Mom couldn’t afford my books. She borrowed a used set with answers poorly covered in correction tape. I was publicly shamed and reported for cheating.

College: She took a “Study Now, Pay Later” student loan through a national public pension agency.

I can’t imagine making my kids give me an allowance, much less asking for all their money.

Graduation: I asked about the loan. She promised she and my dad were handling it via his salary.

Career: I refused to hand over my paycheck, giving a $16 USD monthly allowance instead. She guilt-tripped me that it wasn’t enough, though it mostly went to her food preferences. She also demanded I pay for my dad’s company outings. I eventually stopped.

If she is going to lie about what the money is for, she can’t have any money.

The Next 10 Years: Whenever she asked for loans, she never repaid or guilt-tripped me. Once, she begged for medicine money but spent it on takeout.

I stopped trusting her, only giving money directly to my grandparents for bills. When I visit, she theatrically takes her medicine in front of me, sighing.

The consequences of their actions are finally catching up to them.

Present Day: My dad was retrenched. When claiming his separation pay and pension, the agency revealed his entire retirement fund is nonexistent, completely seized to pay off the college loan.

The Conflict: They hid this for 10 years. They made minor payments, but due to interest, the balance only dropped from ~$3,270 to ~$2,936 USD—almost the original amount.

There is no way I would give them another dime.

Now they want me to pay it. I told them no. I feel bad for my dad, but he enabled her for decades.

It’s unfair that I grew up with zero stability due to her choices, and now that I am using my savings to build a secure life, she expects me to throw half of it away to clean up a decade of lies. My grandparents are angry at me for not monitoring them.

AITA?

It is a sad situation, to be sure, but there is no way that I would give them any money at all. They have proven throughout their entire life that they won’t be responsible with it.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who is irate after she gave a group leader money for her daughter’s lunch, only to have him pocket the cash and ask all of the kids to pay their own way.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this story.

Now this is a great idea.

This person brings up some good points.

I’m not sure if this even matters.

His mom has been lying for years, no reason to believe her now.

This may make the whole situation confusing.

There is clearly a cultural aspect to this story, but if he gives them money, he is just enabling them. If he wants to help them (which he is not required to do), I think he should only pay loans directly or provide food. Never give them cash.

They have made it very clear that they will lie about any money that they are given, so they simply can’t be trusted.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a stepmom who says stepson isn’t doing enough, despite the fact that he’s working 12-hour shifts to pay for his own college.