Living on your own is very expensive, and these days, things are costing more than ever. It can become even more unmanageable if you have someone who is constantly coming over but doesn’t contribute to the budget.

The young couple in this story was struggling with this exact situation. She lived on her own and paid all her bills, but he was coming over literally every day. Eventually, she noticed that her utility bills were higher, and she was running out of food in the house.

So, she asked if he wanted to move in so they could split the expenses. He came up with multiple excuses, but none of them solved her problem.

She does love him and doesn’t want to hurt the relationship, so it’s a tricky problem to solve. Let’s read all about it.

AITAH for telling my boyfriend not to come over anymore if he doesn’t move in with me

Me, 19 year old female, and my boyfriend,19 year old male, have been together for almost two years (1 year, 10 months)

For context, I moved into my 1 bedroom apartment about 6 months ago. I live alone, I pay all my bills alone, and buy my own groceries.

My boyfriend comes over every single day, and I’m not just saying that, he is literally there everyday.

This is not uncommon. He wants to spend time with his girlfriend.

I get home from work and by the time I’m out of the shower he is at the apartment.

I didn’t really mind at first, because I was excited he was seeing me every day, because before that he told me he didn’t want to spend a lot of time with me that it was “overwhelming” to him. So I was excited and happy he wanted to be with me (my love language is quality time).

The boyfriend is obviously going to be using some resources.

Well fast forward I’ve noticed an increase in my bills, just last month my utility bill increased by $70, whether this was weather or him I’m not totally sure, but he’s been there even when I’m not there.

He’s taken showers, watched tv (I’m not a huge tv person), and he’ll leave the lights on, not to mention he uses the restroom all the time, sometimes three times, so there’s that

And then I’m running out of my groceries faster than I’d like.

I buy groceries just enough for me, every two weeks (my pay schedule) I buy a pack of cokes (12) and that should last me the entire month as I don’t drink a lot of soda, but what do you know, I’m running out in two weeks.

Some people love their soda.

An example of him drinking all of my sodas would be when we were watching tv, he ordered us a pizza and while we were eating he offered to grab me a drink and I just told him to grab me a water and he grabbed himself a soda which I didn’t mind since like I said I don’t drink them often.

He drinks the first soda, then he gets up to grab a second, he comes back to the table and drinks the second.

I was visibly annoyed but didn’t say anything, he then gets up AGAIN, and walked to the fridge to grab a THRID?!

These two desperately need to have a conversation about this topic.

I quickly interrupted him and said “nope no no no, if you are very thirsty you can have a water you are not drinking all the sodas I just bought”

To which he responds, “what are you my mom?”

And I respond “no but I’m your girlfriend and you didn’t buy those I did, when I want a soda I want to be able to drink one” and he came to sit down.

He was mad, I know this because he does the thing where he clinches his jaw and he didn’t speak to me for a while.

This is a huge decision and not one that should be made strictly because of money.

After this I had the realization that he really is just living here without sleeping here. He’s eating and drinking all of my food, and using my utilities.

So, I thought carefully of what I wanted to say and I got the right wording together.

When he came over the next day I brought up the conversation of “why don’t you move in with me?”

And he just said “no I don’t want to.”

She is having a sensitive conversation while upset, which almost never works out well.

And I was like “what why, you basically live here without sleeping here, you are here everyday and using all of my things.”

I know I shouldn’t have snapped like that, but that just completely threw me off.

His reasoning started with “I want to finish school”, which I would completely understand if he was in school. He’s not. He missed the deadline to sign up for classes so he’s not enrolled right now. Which I reminded him of.

Honestly, his reasons don’t matter. He gave her his answer.

His next reason was “I don’t want to live in an apartment I want to live in a house”

So I then said “we are 19, we aren’t established and don’t have money put back for a house you have to be realistic, we can eventually get a house but an apartment is apart of that step.”

And then he responded with “I just don’t want to move out I like having no responsibilities”, this was finally the real answer.

This is a pretty reasonable request.

I told him since he didn’t want to move out and help me then he can’t come over everyday, and we’ll have to hang out at his house more often.

It’s been a week since this conversation and he’s still coming over everyday and I don’t know what to do,

I love his company but I can’t afford it.

She needs to push to go to his house more often.

I still can’t really wrap my head around his answer and I’m trying to respect it, but part of me wonders if it was someone else would he want to live with them, would he support them? Or does he just not see a future with me.

I’m not sure what to do, any advice is appreciated.

AITA?

These two sound very immature, which is normal at that age. Maybe they want different things from the relationship. They may need to spend more time at his house. Maybe they just need to break up. There are lots of options here, but they need to have a serious heart-to-heart (without getting upset) to figure out how to proceed.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who was totally humiliated when he learned the real reason his friends had ditched him.

Read on to see if the people in the comments on Reddit have any good tips to offer this young couple.

He has no incentive to move in at this point.

He isn’t respecting her needs, according to this commenter.

This commenter says she can do better, implying that they should break up.

Taking his key away may be appropriate.

This commenter says he is acting gross.

Relationships always come with challenges, and communication is the way to overcome them. This couple clearly has different priorities, and that is ok, especially at this age. Rather than letting frustrations build up, she needs to have a serious conversation with him about their situation.

He needs to take her concerns seriously and find a way to address them. There are many good options that will let this couple stay together happily, but they all require open communication.