Buying your first home is a major decision and one that you have to take very seriously.

What would you do if you were planning on buying a house with a couple of family members and living as co-owners and roommates to save some money, but then you realized that the payment would be more than you could reasonably afford?

That is the situation that the young lady in this story finds herself in, so she asked her cousin if she could pay more of the payment since she is making quite a bit more money. The cousin, however, declined and said that if the three of them are buying the house together, everyone needs to pay a third of the payments.

Now she is upset because she will be house poor if she goes through with the purchase, but she also really wants to get out and start living away from her parent’s house.

Let’s read all the details.

AITAH for asking to lower my share of the mortgage?

I (29F), my brother (33M) and my cousin (38F) are potentially planning to purchase a house together.

The focus for this story is myself and my cousin, let’s call her Sam.

Moving in together should save them money, and they are all doing pretty well.

We were all looking just to move out independently and live together. We have decent jobs and most of us making decent money; with Sam making the most (150K+) and myself making the least (70K+ now because I moved jobs in March 2026).

I started working about 6 years ago and my cousin has been working for about 18 years.

I’m not sure that she can afford this place.

Based on the mortgage alone, which would be anywhere between $1,900 to $2,200 a month for each person, not including property taxes, home insurance, water, electricity, internet, groceries, etc., this is half of my salary and maybe a little over 1/5 for my cousin.

My aunt brought up the points of all the insurance and taxes, and that’s when the gears in my head started rolling.

Just on an approximation, this would tally to about over 3/4 of my salary.

The first time you have to start paying bills, you realize how expensive things really are.

Obviously I got frightened, since I’ve been living at home for my entire life and was able to save and put away money since I started working.

I can afford the down payment but this would drain most of my savings I had built and the problem would lay with paying everything else.

I would still like to save and still like to enjoy living my life while having my own home.

Sam isn’t someone who needs to be paying more in this situation.

This is where the problem started.

After doing this math, I worked the courage to ask Sam if she could help take on a bit more of the mortgage payment.

She asked why and I said, “Well, I did some mental calculations and I don’t think I can save and afford the house at the same time.”

Why does she think that Sam needs to pay extra?

And she said “No, we can’t. This is non-negotiable. You HAVE to pay 1/3 of the mortgage.”

I told her that she makes more than double my salary and I only started working.

I don’t expect to live for free, but I also don’t expect to go house poor.

Sam was not listening to what I had to say or how I felt.

Sam understands, I’m sure. It just isn’t her problem.

Sam tried to explain that all we need is $65,000 for the down payment, but what she doesn’t understand is that for a $1.4M house (yes, I live in Canada — but I digress), the mortgage with the interest rate is going to make our entire mortgage payment close to $3,000 each person. I make $4,000 a month.

She also said “You have money coming in every month, and we’ll work out the rest.”

Her thought process from my understanding is less down payment, keep most of your savings.

What I think she doesn’t understand is less down payment, higher mortgage payment.

What she doesn’t understand is that Sam has no reason to subsidize her housing.

What Sam thinks as money coming in for me is my entire pay check for the month.

I’m going to have no savings, live like a vagrant in my own house and be able to afford nothing later on because every month, my paycheck will be going in and out.

She isn’t wrong for asking, but is definitely wrong for not accepting Sam’s answer.

For her, it would be about half of her paycheck and she gets to keep the rest of her $3K for savings and everything else associated with running a home.

Am I wrong for wanting her to take on a portion considering our financial circumstances?

I could honestly care less about what my portion of the home would be because if I end up paying less mortgage and only owning 10% of the house, I’d be fine with that.

AITA?

I don’t think that she was out of line for asking if Sam was willing to do this, but she does need to accept that she wasn’t interested. Honestly, this is just too much house for her, and she needs to back out of the arrangement.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who doesn’t want to go to the amusement park with her friend anymore, because the friend can no longer ride most of the attractions.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this unfortunate situation.

Yup, she is out of line for expecting this.

I agree with this person. She just can’t afford this home.

She did say that she would accept a smaller ownership percentage.

The income of the other two people shouldn’t come into play.

This is correct. She simply can’t afford this house.

It can be really exciting to buy a new house, but you should never buy one that you can’t afford. Buying a home with family members is very risky and almost always ends in disaster.

If this young lady insists on buying a house with her brother and cousin, they will need to find one that isn’t so terribly expensive. At this point, she is better off remaining at home with her parents, or maybe finding an apartment.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a tenant who decided to stop returning his neighbor’s misplaced laundry after two years.