Shutterstock

Some people seem to thrive on being a bully, and they never grow out of it.

That seems to be the case for the coworker of the person who wrote this story. He would bully him every day for months, and since it was just this guy and the bully working together, there was very little that he could do.

Eventually, however, he got sick of it and planned an epic prank as revenge. He pulled it off perfectly, nearly giving the bully a heart attack in the process. Fortunately, in addition to getting some great revenge, it also got him transferred to another area within the company so he didn’t have to work with the jerk any longer.

While pranks like this usually aren’t a good idea at work, this one was perfectly played. Read through the full story and see if you agree.

I used theatrics to spite my bully. He was pretty dramatic about the whole thing.

Prelude:

When I was young man of just 18 I got a job in the Canadian oil patch.

This sounds like it was an amazing job at the time.

It was my first real job, it was the early 2000s and this paid $20/hr with no experience or education required, min wage was sub $6. It was called well testing.

Basically you hook up a closed pressure tank and flare stack to new oil and gas wells, then flow them and gather data for the oil barons.

There always has to be a downside.

It’s hard work setting up and tearing down but the rest is recording gauges and computer work. Not bad for a first job. Except for Gary.

You work 2 man 12 hr or 4 man 24 hr crews. 1 laborer & 1 supervisor a shift. I was paired with a mean spirited alcoholic in his mid 50s named Gary.

This type of bullying or hazing was very common.

He was overweight and lazy, only helping with things too heavy to lift on my own, like 250 lb pipes. He spent his days in the trailer for the most part anyway, watching DVDs, napping and hourly typing a bit of data in to a PC.

He also liked picking on me with ‘jokes,’ which were really just insults. I’m not a small man, about 6′ 1″ in heels. He was noticeably smaller, yet while not physically intimdated, back then I lacked confidence and have a baby face.

Never give a bully like this fuel.

I got called stupid a lot. When he found out I had never used a power drill he asked me “Didn’t your Dad teach you anything?”

I made the error of telling him my Dad was only in my life a handful of years. The next time I made a mistake he quipped no wonder my Dad walked out on me.

Having to be around this guy all the time would be miserable.

I did call him out on that, like every other jerk alive he’d tell me I couldn’t take a joke.

We always worked far out of town in the country, I often had to eat dinner with him in small town restaurants. Mostly bars, if we could help it.

Those miles would really add up.

He drank a lot, could actually be personable when not at work and he was at least 2 deep. He didn’t stop and drank every night. It quickly became the case that I drove us to work in his truck.

He made $1 or $1.10 per kilometer and we could drive 100 – 350 km per day, every day for weeks. 100 miles = 160 kilometers FYI.

Getting bullied every day at work would get old fast.

I got minimum wage for travel time. He was hung over most mornings, didn’t want to drive and told me he was boss. He slept like a gin bloated corpse until we got to work.

I worked with him for 3 months. 3 months of demeaning treatment and verbal abuse. I don’t react much, it’s still true everyone has their breaking point.

He grew tired of putting up with this guy.

I was very used to bullying by then, long story, I just get silent. I also needed the job. I don’t anything, until I do, and I don’t do nothing forever.

Part 1: The power of love

The first step in my quest for vengance was remembering that it’s impossible to defeat evil with the power of love.

Part 2: The power of terror

This guy will not want to

One night while we out of town on a job, during dinner, I mentioned to Gary it’s pretty lame he sleeps most of the time while I drive his truck and he gets paid.

Maybe he ought to kick a few bucks my way for the effort. He didn’t like my suggestion that he be generous. The last hinge must have crumbled because he came unglued.

Sometimes you have to take action.

More verbal abuse and I was young, it actually reduced me to angry tears. When he threatened my job, It was a bad feeling. So, I resolved to at least get away from him, I’d been taking notes because I wanted a different crew anyway.

My Breaking point was achieved. This is usually when my instinct for self-preservation diminishes and impulsive thoughts have fewer safe guards.

Let’s see what he does.

I wanted to go home, not revenge but serendipity delivered the next morning. Gary was once again in his travel coma and I drove us to work.

About 30 km from site, side of the highway on a pullout was a semitruck. Luck would also have it, it was running and trucker was outside his rig.

This guy can sleep through anything.

I quickly formulated a plan. Gary always needed to be woken with intent, so he didn’t stir when I stopped, got out and asked the friendly driver for a favor.

Trucker man agreed to my terms, got back in his semi to await the signal. Gary, blissfully sleeping off the last of his nightly whiskey also failed to notice when I maneuvered his truck. Parking it, we were nearly bumper to bumper facing the big beautiful Peterbilt.

Too funny, a classic prank.

I lit the beacon. The Truckers of Rohan answered with their own headlights. Like the horn of Helm Hammerhand sounding in the deep, the trucker hit his airhorn with amazing commitment to instilling fear.

I did my part by honking Gary’s truck gleefully in respite and screaming my ass off. I cried bloody murder at blast level and yelled “We’re gonna die!”. Striking like a battalion of bombers singing a chorus of fire, the glorious cacophony lasted less than a minute.

How could he drive while he was laughing this much?

When it hit him, Gary dented the ceiling. Good thing he’s thick as cement or that might have hurt. He rocketed up with such force and hit his head. The wonderful sound of his anguished howls segued quickly into apoplexy and rage.

While coming to terms with what I had done, he couldn’t correctly choke out his death threats. I reversed, peeled off before he decided to get out to make good and gave the trucker a wave.

That sounds like his problem.

I got about 10 m down the road when Gary felt the need to tell me he had dangerously high blood pressure and I could have killed him with a stroke.

About 4 years later I went to paramedic school, so yes, in hindsight I agree with his assessment. Sucks for him at 18 I had legitimately no idea what a stroke was.

This guy can’t take a joke.

What would I even do? Probably ignore him like they did with Stalin. I’d think he was just extra hung over, or being lazier than usual by pretending half his body was paralyzed.

I started laughing and told him he should probably calm down then. I said ” can’t you take a joke”.

These are memories that will last a lifetime.

He kept making incomplete threats and I just couldn’t stop laughing, making it even funnier when he wouldn’t shut up. Don’t feed it Gary. I love ugly laughing at angry people. I was a heyena.

He was fighting the urge to kill me and the desire to not stroke out simultaneously. The struggle was real. It took about 20 min more to get to site, that dance continued the whole time.

It was a good job while it lasted.

I even asked him if that was his normal shade of red? Arriving, he ordered me to get out, said I was fired, then stomped off to go call the company owner.

Eh, whatever. I had intermittent chuckles and smoked cigarettes while savoring my victory for the 4 hours it took the company owner to come pick me up.

Oh, good. The big boss was a good guy.

It was a medium sized buisness, about 100 employees, he was the GM as well. I got some details, Gary wanted to involve the cops for attempted murder, boss disuaded him.

Gary told one heck of a tale that left me looking like Satan. So, I told him all about the necessity of Gary’s punishment on the way back to the city. He had a good chuckle about it. He was actually a decent guy, I worked for him until I went back to school.

He earned some respect.

I got moved to a different crew where I could be the lone sociopath. That’s about it.

I did get some street cred with the rest of the boys at the company.

While this type of practical joke is not a good idea, it is a funny one. And from the sounds of it, this guy really deserved it.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

This guy has a great photo, though.

How was the boss ok with this?

This would have been very funny.

Being loyal to a company is rarely a good idea, though.

This commenter says he could get a great job at other oil rigs.

It was a risky move, but it played out perfectly. Pranking people like this at work can get you in a lot of trouble, but in this case it had a happy ending.

Unfortunately, I doubt that it will change the bully’s attitude. He will get a new victim assigned to him, and he’ll just keep on bullying.