Family drama can be really hard to get through, especially when it involves your in-laws.

What would you do if your wife and her siblings were having a big fight about vacations and money, so you tried to step in to smooth things over, but that just made it a lot worse with your in-laws?

That is what happened to the guy in this story, and now your wife’s siblings aren’t talking to him or his wife, so he wonders if he should have just stayed out of it rather than trying to help.

Personally, I think he had good intentions, and the in-laws are out of line, but maybe he should have stayed out of the original fight. Read through the full details below and see what you think.

AITAH for taking my SiLs off of our subscriptions after they told my wife to keep me on a leash?

My wife, Leigh, is 28; I’m 26; my wife’s younger twin sisters just hit 22.

Ten years of marriage is a big milestone.

My wife is a bit of a black sheep in her immediate family, and her younger sisters, Mac and Gale, receive a lot fiscal support from their parents, the younger twin (Gale) recieving the most.

Leigh and I celebrated being together for 10 years as of March 21st of this year. We weren’t planning on doing anything for it at first, minus a small date, due to our budget, but my wife’s Great Aunt happened to give a nice bit of cash to all of her grand nieces, nephews, AND their partners at the family Xmas.

She is planning a great trip.

My portion immediately went to tackling my personal debt, and Leigh wanted to use her money to take us on a little road trip to Manitou Springs, CO around our anniversary date or at the end of March- early April.

I was hesitant, but decided to let her plan because she’s got a knack for planning trips and I trust her judgment. Also, we haven’t gone anywhere in over a year, and Colorado is on our list for nature exploration.

Planning trips can take a lot of work and coordination.

Prior to this, the twins were planning a trip to Colorado Springs, CO for their 22nd birthday, flying out and back around the end of Jan- early Feb.

They had their trip booked and finalized before Xmas, and at first wanted their mom and my wife to join in. Their mom declined almost immediately to save PTO for her and their dad’s 30th anniversary (end of Oct.).

Hopefully, this won’t cause any problems for anyone.

My wife officially backed out a couple of weeks before Xmas due to funds, a lack of planning and communication from the twins, and a general difference in itineraries between them (they wanted a spa trip and to explore the city life, my wife wanted to explore the outdoors and see places like the Garden of the Gods).

A couple weeks after my wife starts planning, my wife goes to hangout with her sisters one night and she asks Mac for any ideas for outdoorsy activities that she thinks Leigh and I would enjoy.

What would she have to apologize for?

Mac says she doesn’t really know, but is happy we get to do something for ourselves. They finish their hangout and go home w/o anything happening.

2 days later, my wife joins a Discord call with her younger sisters and they want her to apologize for planning “their birthday trip minus them” (Gale does all the talking, Mac is WFH and was listening in during her shift).

Wow, this person seems to be quite dramatic.

Leigh apologizes for making things feel that way, but defends her reasonings for not going with them on their trip and assures that no there’s no malice behind our trip plans.

Gale states that we have the right to do so, but also insists that it’s offensive to their celebration and that this is can only be seen as a personal attack.

Their finances are nobody’s business but their own.

She said that my my wife’s paycheck timings wasn’t a good enough reason when it came to funding, that we were practically going to the same location, and claiming that she was trying to find things for Leigh before she backed out. (Leigh didn’t hear about any of those, except for a tea room where she’d be paying extra for a dietary accommodation).

My wife hangs up after a long silence between them as nothing was being resolved. Leigh relays all of this to me after she says she no longer wants to go on a trip at all, and I message Gale a few hours later to ask what happened and what hurt her feelings.

He is just trying to smooth things over.

Also, my wife can be sensitive to a lot of negativity and rejection, and I wanted to see if I could defuse things since Gale and I can both be headstrong when we feel a lot; I thought I could reason with her a bit because I thought we’d bonded enough over the years for this to be the case.

Gale says she doesn’t understand why I’m getting involved when Leigh could have talked to her and Mac directly. I tell her that I thought that was what their prior call was about, and that I care about my wife’s feelings- especially when they’re hurt.

Maybe everyone should take a day or two to cool down.

Also, that if the twins are upset about OUR anniversary trip, that having an issue with it affects me as well as the other attendee. There’s a bit of emotional escalation from her as we keep messaging (she’s upset, and I understand that), and I try to keep my cool and stay rooted in reality as much as I can.

I remind her that our budgets are VERY different- Mac and Gale have access to a parent’s credit card w/o a limit while my wife and I are almost paycheck to paycheck (and Mac had already mentioned before this that Gale would be paying her back for her portion of the trip over time).

He is exactly right about this, I think.

I also mentioned that they don’t want the same things out of a trip, both parties are going at least a month apart, and the expectation of their older sister owing them attendance once she did receive some extra money doesn’t seem fair.

I tell Gale that being disappointed about plans changing or not spending time with family is valid, but assigning that blame to her older sister and expecting her to fix it by whatever means necessary isn’t.

Arguing over feelings is never going to fix things.

She says I did nothing except for dismiss her feelings and that I think she’s nothing more than a spoiled brat, and that if I don’t understand now, she fears I never will.

I agree with her on not understanding, but also remind her that I didn’t call her a brat because her feelings are coming from somewhere vulnerable and real but that her method of resolving it by offloading her frustration onto someone else isn’t okay, and sometimes when folks see something wrong going on that they’ll speak up about it.

Wow, they are really out of line here.

2 days later, Mac messages Leigh that she’s disappointed in her big sister for allowing me to speak to Gale that way. That my wife should have kept me on a tighter leash when speaking to my SiL, and that I crossed a boundary that they cannot go back from.

That their partners would never speak to their SiLs that way (when they have and we’ve been present to mediate), and that I made Gale feel crazy for how she reacted, and that my wife dismissed their feelings about her planning this trip instead of going with them and that she regrets lying to Leigh when she asked about how she really felt. My wife reads it and doesn’t reply.

Maybe this is a bit petty, but I don’t think I can blame him.

I spent the evening that message came through removing the twins and their partners from the subscriptions we’ve covered for them for a few years now because something about that message just felt so… gross, is the word that feels best.

I also just don’t think it makes sense for me to pay for stuff for someone who thinks of me like something to be kept on a leash. Dogs don’t pay bills, amirite?

This drama is lasting a long time.

Truthfully, I have no idea if/how it impacted them at all since we haven’t spoken since then. They’ve gone on their trip and back, and we actually couldn’t go on ours at all because of my wife’s health and my car dying, so those funds got used for those immediate needs instead.

We’ve since found small ways to celebrate and live our lives away from the twins, as they truly think that I am awful.

I’m not sure it matters anymore since none of them are talking.

So, after all of this mess, should I have just kept my mouth shut? Should I be leashed?

AITAH?

I don’t think he did anything wrong, though maybe it wasn’t a good idea to get directly involved in an argument between siblings. Regardless, the twins seem detached from reality, so there isn’t much you can do to reason with them.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

Here is someone who says he was right to defend his wife.

Getting between siblings rarely ends well.

Yes, they do seem immature and manipulative.

This commenter says his wife needs to take a stand with her siblings.

The siblings really are a little crazy.

Her siblings were out of line, but maybe he should have stayed out of the argument. This family sounds like it is filled with drama, which is unfortunate, but I don’t think he will be able to fix it.

It is unfortunate that this couple wasn’t able to go on their vacation, though. Hopefully, things will get better going forward.