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When you get a new job, one of the factors that will likely lead to you staying there a long time or leaving to find someplace new is the people. Because if you’re surrounded by good people that you get on with, the worst parts of the job can feel that little bit better. But if you work with folk you can’t stand, who are making the bad days even worse, you’re going to find yourself pushing for something new, somewhere where you’ll feel like you fit in and are appreciated. We spend such a significant amount of our time with our colleagues, after all.

So naturally, when the woman in this story noticed one of her co-workers behaving in a really toxic way towards not only customers but their boss too, she was incensed. She couldn’t stand the entitlement and rudeness in his voice, and how that toxicity was affecting others too. So she chose to confront him – but unfortunately, her way of doing so might have actually caused more trouble than these workers were in to begin with.

Read on to find out what happened.

AITA when I told a coworker, that the best part of working from home is that I didn’t have to see his face because it makes me sick…

I am a 30-year-old woman, and I have a coworker (45, male) who gets very loud and angry on calls periodically, over things that, in my opinion, don’t matter.

These are things like not knowing details of a project he is not supporting or working on, if someone asks him a question about it, and when he feels like someone is cutting him off in conversation, even though he monopolises the conversation.

Our manager, well meaning guy (40, male) just got back from a funeral, and first thing in the morning my coworker ripped into him and started screaming about how the communication in the department is terrible (scored 3.9/5 on our engagement Gallup poll), because he feels like he’s the last to find out anything.

And this woman could not stand the guy’s behaviour any longer.

We had another call together later that day for another project, and I respectfully and calmly laid into him. I said that I have no respect for him, not just as a coworker but as a human being, after seeing his brutish behaviour.

I also said, it is frustrating but not surprising, because I’ve come to expect little civility from him, and that he was toxic, and I wondered what value he even brought to the workplace.

I told him that I can’t stand working with him, and that the best part of working from home is that I didn’t have to see his face because it makes me sick. (I realise my English was poor there, but I meant that when I don’t respect someone, I don’t even want to see their face because it’s upsetting and disgusting – it’s not about his appearance).

Was I wrong for my remarks, and should I clarify about his face?

AITA?

It seems clear that this woman was trying to do the right thing and stand up for everyone else in the office against this toxic individual, but in speaking the way that she did she might have actually made things worse.

It’s very apparent that his behaviour and the way that he speaks to people is completely unacceptable – but the sad thing is that, in her comments, she has just stooped to his level.

There are proper protocols and ways to deal with situations like this, and honestly, the way she chose was not one of them.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person agreed that she was wrong to speak to him as she did – but that didn’t make his behaviour any better.

While others explained exactly why her behaviour was just as unprofessional as his.

Meanwhile, this Redditor just felt sorry for their manager.

You can’t fight fire with fire, and that’s exactly what this woman tried to do. Sometimes it can feel natural to combat people with a taste of their own medicine, for example some of us find that, when someone is shouting at us, we feel a great urge to simply shout back. But the real truth is that all that results in is a messier and louder situation that gets much worse before it can ever get better. Instead, it can be best to find ways to calm the situation – and rising to it is never going to do that.

So when she tried to tackle her colleague’s toxic behaviour by being insulting and verbally aggressive herself, it was never going to work out well. Because not only is this not going to likely have much of an affect on the guy, it could also risk getting her in trouble too – possibly instead of him. If he reports her and her comments to HR, that could go on her record while he might get away with it. And that really wouldn’t be fair. The real fact is that when it comes to workplace conflict, this employee still has a lot to learn.