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Being generous doesn’t mean you have to open your home to everyone.
This woman had been helping a friend by letting her live with her at a discounted rent. After buying her first home, another friend assumed she could move in for a month or two, even though she had no job. She felt uncomfortable with the arrangement, so she decided to set a boundary. But her decision quickly put their friendship to the test.
This is one of those stories where kindness is mistaken for unlimited generosity. Read the full story below.
AITA For not letting one of my childhood friends move in with me?
I (35F) just closed on my first house. I have a friend (34F), let’s call her Sam, living with me and jobless.
She likes to travel back home a lot to visit her family, a luxury I wish I had.
And for context of where “home” is, let’s just say I currently live in the Midwest.
And she drives her happy self to the west coast multiple times a year for weeks on end.
This woman has another friend.
As I’m writing this post, she just left for Cali, again, for another three weeks.
Granted she still pays me monthly, but if we are transparent with numbers, our rent was $2.5k/month and I only had her paying me $600/month.
This doesn’t include city parking pass, internet, and electricity. I thought I was being nice, so please don’t attack my soft heart!
Anyway! Bring in the next friend, we’ll call her Meg (34F). She has never once been responsible for herself.
Either living with family, a BF, or friends, she’s always only ever had a room to her name.
No judgement here. Like I said, I love these women, but at a certain age, I feel like we should be wanting more for ourselves.
Meg insisted that she would stay in her house for a month of two while she looks for a job.
Anyway, Meg decided that since I have a house now, and I offered her a place to stay if ever she needed (to visit, mind you).
She was always welcome. She took that as an invite to move in for a “month or two” while she “worked her head off” and hung out with her best friend.
I felt very uncomfortable with it. Not only would I have one person living in my home without a job.
But now, another living in MY home that I paid for when it came to down payment and closing costs, all while I’m away at work for the day.
It just didn’t sit right with me and as bad as I felt for saying no to her, to Meg, I did.
She refused and told Meg it wasn’t a smart move.
I told Meg I didn’t think it was financially or logistically smart for her to come all this way.
Just for a month or two and then turn around and go back. Note that she’d be driving, not flying.
I was polite and told her that it made me uncomfortable having her and Sam here at the same time.
And that the answer was no, she couldn’t come stay with me. Well that was the wrong answer.
Now, their friendship started falling apart.
Suddenly, our friendship was in question. She was a ride or die for me, and clearly, I wasn’t for her, and she was devastated by my answer.
She was so hurt, in fact, that she needed to “reevaluate” our friendship because how dare I “call her a burden” which I never did.
And how dare I insinuate I know what’s best for her by stating I didn’t think her move was financially or logistically smart.
It got so bad she decided to remove me from her social media platforms because she needed to “set a healthy boundary” for herself against me.
They exchanged words and blocked each other on social media.
I got so outraged I called her a terrible friend for trying to guilt trip me.
Simply because I set a boundary for myself, to which she mirrored and stated I was the terrible friend.
She claimed she wasn’t asking for much out of me, just a room with a bed and a desk. Clearly, I could handle that.
Regardless, I ended up taking it a step further, because I’m petty, and blocked her on everything.
Seriously, AITA here?
Setting boundaries doesn’t make someone selfish, especially when it comes to their own home. It’s understandable that her friend felt disappointed. But trying to guilt-trip someone into changing their mind is kind of unfair and unnecessary. OP was justified in saying no to a situation that made her uncomfortable.
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Let’s see the comments of other online users.
This user agrees with OP.
Here’s what this one would do.
Another valid point.
This person shares their opinion.
And lastly, everyone is siding with OP.
A true friend respects your “no” just as much as your “yes.”
