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Growing up is hard, and for many people, being able to transition from being a child to being an adult is difficult.

What would you do if you were living with a dysfunctional family that was borderline abusive, so you wanted to move out on your own, but you knew that it would make them angry?

That is the situation that the young woman in this story is in, and she doesn’t want the conflict or to let them down, so she doesn’t know what to do.

Personally, I think it is way past time that she moved out on her own, even if it will be difficult. Take a moment and read through all the details below and see what you think.

WIBTAH for moving out of my family’s house without telling them?

I (28f) recently had enough of my current living situation.

An income-based rent could be very helpful.

Years ago I was planning on ways to move out and sign up to a local apartment complex that does adjusted rent depending on your monthly/yearly income.

That was when it was around 2021, but during that time late Sept-Oct my step father was diagnosed with liver failure.

It is incredible that he has survived this long.

He tried to stop drinking and the sharp quit kind of shocked his liver (what I was best told by my mother). When doctors told her that he had a few months, I said I’d stay and help. I really thought he was going to die.

But here we are in the year 2026, he’s still alive. Mom took him to other doctors outside our local area and there he got more treatments and now seems to be recovering.

This guy seems like he has a lot of drama in his life.

I thought this was great, I could then shift my focus to then finding a space of my own considering my step-brother also moved out recent with their partner last year *after Christmas*… And this is where I realize, I should’ve left sooner.

Not even a year, *before Christmas*, my step-brother moved back in. Domestic Violence charge, the chick he was with kept the apartment, and already had a new boyfriend before he was booted out.

It seems like moving out of this area would be a good thing.

Everything he had moving out, is in that apartment with his ex. He’s back on the couch where he’s lived on it for longer than I could remember the first time he moved in with us.

With my step-dad’s health, I thought maybe I should’ve stuck around. Do my stuff, go to work, come back and rest, and then see what was to be done. But my brother before made existing in the same space really uncomfortable, and now that he’s back.

Falling back into bad habits is a serious problem.

My step-dad has turned into a jerk again. You see, both of them act more like work buddies having one too many beers than actual father and son. And when step-brother interacts with step-dad, step-dad proceeds to act like his child is the funniest, most rightest person on the planet.

The longer he’s been home, my step-dad has slowly been sneaking back into his mean habits. He’s even turned to those 0% beers, and while the drink is “safe”, he’s still getting the effects.

Things are starting to get abusive.

He’s meaner, ruder, laughs more when he says the crudest things to my mom. And to me- I apparently keep turning more and more into the screw up of the family.

I finally had enough when nearly two months ago, he screamed at me to stop messing around cause I was too old to be a lazy kid. I disappeared for a bit, came back to him acting like he didn’t emotionally lampoon me and my mom was none the wiser.

She got yelled at for washing his own dishes?

Then it happened again. A couple weeks back, we were having dinner, I finished first so I washed my plate and figured I’d do the rest of the dishes once everyone else ate and put them by/in the sink.

But instead, I got yelled at to come to the kitchen for my step-father to then try screaming at me again cause my plate was clean while everything else was dirty.

What a jerk.

That “it wasn’t my job to only clean up after myself”. I couldn’t get a word in, he only stopped when he realized my mom and his son could hear so he stepped out with those stupid non-alcoholic beers AND I DID THE DISHES.

I got dressed, I left again, walked to my local park and nearly cried in public at 9 pm. I walked back thinking ‘what was I doing this whole time staying here?’.

These apologies are becoming meaningless.

The next day he “apologized”, then tried to walk away when I wanted explaining my side of the issue. That was my moment to lock in.

I got in contact with my ex-SIL. Lore- My blood brother married her, had a kid, then he went off to be with some crazy chick. Me and my birth dad kept my SIL and niece over him.

What a great opportunity.

She got into a nice house recently in the town where I work, and she mentioned a space I could move into. When my step-dad screamed at me for the second time, I jumped on the opportunity.

Now I have to figure out how to pack everything, shuffle my storage unit to another, finally understand a bunch of paperwork to get on a lease and get my stuff in order.

There is really no reason for her to take over this house. She can’t even afford it if she wanted to.

The reason I’m asking if I’d be wrong for moving out now is my parents (mom and step-dad). They’re planning on moving out of the house to out of state in about a year, my mom wants me to take over the house and handle the finances.

I earn roughly a thousand a month. She says I need to earn three thousand to handle it all. I do not want to take over the home, I never wanted to take over the house, I do not want to live in a neighborhood where the closest town (where I work) is a whole hour away.

It is well past time for her to get out on his own.

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I cannot live another year in this place, this is not what I planned when I first thought of living on my own.

I fear that if I tell her that I have a opportunity to leave, she’d guilt me into staying and getting stuck with a house I do not want to live in anymore with a income I have to miraculously increase thrice to afford.

WIBTA?

He has no desire to live there, and it is clearly not good for his health, so I think he should move out as soon as he can. Telling his parents that he won’t be ‘taking over’ the house is a good thing to do, though, as it will help them with their planning.

Read on to see what the people in the comments recommend in this case.

This commenter is exactly right.

She needs to start putting herself first and establishing herself as an adult.

You can’t keep putting other people first.

She stayed way longer than she should have.

It is time to start thinking and acting like an adult.

She has every reason to move out and no reason to stay. Sure, it might be awkward and difficult, but she really needs to tell her mom that she is moving out and won’t be taking over the family home.

It is important that she tell her in a way that does not allow for debate, though. It isn’t a conversation; it is just a notification.

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Author

Michael Levanduski