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Divorce is hard in the best of circumstances, and when it is a complicated divorce, it is even more difficult.

What would you do if your friend was in the middle of a complicated divorce, but then he told you that he had started dating someone new and they were moving along very rapidly?

That is what happened to the woman in this story, so she warned her friend that he should slow things down and get his life in order before starting another relationship. Now he doesn’t want to talk to her about it anymore.

I think she did the right thing, but it is not surprising that he doesn’t want to hear it. Read the full story to see if you think she handled it correctly.

AITAH for telling my friend to take some time before proceeding with his relationship?

Friend (A,late 30s M) and I (late 30s, F) go way back (20+ years).

You should never move back in with someone you are divorcing.

He was married to B for 15+ years and they separated last year (not divorced yet)- turns out they’d had issues simmering for years. They also have a child together.

B is not in a good place now- she’s been taking things very hard. When she hit rock bottom, her therapist requested A to help her by moving back in (temporarily- i know, HORRIBLE idea).

He should not be moving on quite yet.

It seemed to alleviate the immediate problem, but he quickly got frustrated from her repeated insistence that they work things out.

Last month (he was still staying at her place, but would go back to his apartment for a few hours), he told me that he had started to “see” someone (C) and was in a happy place. I was surprised but grew more concerned as he told me more.

These are very valid concerns.

a. He’s not divorced yet, and, at the time of the conversation above, he was still STUCK in a pretty lousy situation- not the best of times to be entering into anything new.

b. They’d only been talking for about 2-3 mths, but he seemed to be moving kinda fast (something he said made me think they (A&C) were thinking of having a kid!).

Wait, what? This is not good at all.

c. There are some other murky details to C’s history which I don’t want to get into but – this was the kicker– C herself has been in a “committed” relationship for the last 5 years.

All my alarms went off- not to say that C is a bad person (since I don’t know her personally), but she’s clearly dealing with some stuff.

She has to be honest with him.

I do care about my friend though. He has a pretty solid track record of being responsible and generally mature. So, this whole fiasco is not like him.

He wanted to share the above news with me (about him being happy “finally” and when he seemed to ask me for my opinion- I let him have it in pretty clear terms. I told him he needed to:

She is right about both of these things.

a. Focus on getting his current situation sorted out- get closure with his relationship with B (divorce, moving out etc). and

b. Focus on taking some time for himself AFTER this to think more clearly. I did express to him that- IMO- things between him and C were moving too quickly, and he may benefit from taking some time (and space) apart.

It is no surprise that he doesn’t want to talk about it with her.

Following that long conversation, over the last2-3 weeks, we have spoken at various times, but he didn’t bring up C in conversation at all.

This morning, when we chatted I asked him about it- he said they were still talking but he didn’t want to bring it up with me because he felt that C “had been judged” negatively and he himself didn’t feel “comfortable” sharing that part of his life with me at this time.

Telling people things they don’t want to hear is hard, but often necessary.

Not gonna lie, I was hurt to hear this because it made me feel “judgmental” and “holier than thou” which isn’t a comfortable feeling.

AITA?

He is making very bad choices that could impact the rest of his life. She wouldn’t be a very good friend if she didn’t tell him. Whether he takes her advice or not remains to be seen.

Let’s see what some of the top commenters on this story had to say about it.

This commenter says that her friend knows he isn’t in a good place.

He asked, she answered. She has nothing to apologize for.

The therapist is horrible.

His situation is really messy.

If you enjoyed this post, check out this story about a single person who is dumbfounded when her friends insist couples count as one person when splitting a check.

She gave very good advice.

He asked for her opinion, and she gave it. There is no reason for him to be upset. He is clearly making bad choices because he is on the rebound; hopefully her advice can help him to keep from making even bigger mistakes.

This is a very difficult time for him, and he will need to have a good friend going forward, though.