She Processed Her Mother’s Passing Faster Than Her Sister—Now Her Grief Pace Has Started a Bitter Family Rift
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Losing a parent is a horribly difficult thing to go through, and everyone will grieve that loss in a different way.
What would you do if you had processed the emotions of the loss of your mother, and you were now to the point where you were having some ‘good days,’ but your sister is still in the depths of grief, and she is getting mad at you for not feeling the same?
That is the situation that the woman in this story is in, and she isn’t sure what to do. She doesn’t want to pretend to be hurting more than she is, but she also doesn’t want to dismiss her sister’s grieving process.
Personally, I am not sure there is much she can do to appease her sister right now. Grief can be overwhelming, and her sister needs time. Read through the full story to see what you think about it.
AITA for already grieving my mom’s death and telling my sister that I’m doing okay?
My mom passed away, and while I miss her every single day, I feel like I’ve already done a lot of my grieving.
Losing a parent is horribly painful, but everyone grieves differently.
I still have sad moments and days where I wish I could call her or hear her voice, but I also know that I can’t change what happened. My sister, on the other hand, regularly texts me about how sad she is and how much she misses our mom. Recently, she got upset with me because I told her I was doing good.
The thing is, I struggled a lot after my mom died. My depression reached a level it had never reached before. I had just moved back to Texas, and my mom closed her eyes for the last time after seeing me again. I was also the one who found her not breathing, which is something I don’t think I’ll ever completely get over.
She is no stranger to loss.
This wasn’t my first major loss either. Before that, my nana died, and I was the one who had to tell my mom that her own mother had passed away while she was on a cruise. I had to handle that alone.
My mom was the one person who truly understood me. My relationship with my sister has always been harder because she tends to make things about herself. If someone else is struggling, somehow the conversation often becomes about what she’s going through instead.
It seems that she is processing her grief well.
I also grieved for all the things my mom would never get to be there for. She won’t be at my wedding. She won’t get to hold my future child. My sister got to have those experiences with our mom, and I won’t. That hurt more than I can explain.
For a long time, I carried all of that with me. Journaling helped me process a lot of my grief and depression. I wrote about my sadness, my anger, and my memories of my mom, and over time it helped me heal. I also got a tattoo of my mom’s handwriting so I could carry a piece of her with me wherever I go.
Of course, they are grieving differently.
I understand that grief is different for everyone and that my sister’s grief journey doesn’t have to look like mine. But it feels like she expects me to still be sad all the time because she is.
The truth is that I don’t think my mom would want me to spend the rest of my life stuck in grief. I think she would want me to live my life, find happiness, and keep moving forward while still loving and remembering her.
She is not wrong, but at the same time, her sister doesn’t have to be in the same place either.
I still love my mom and miss her deeply, but I’m not in the same place emotionally that I was right after she died. My sister seems to think that because she is still struggling, I should be too, and she got angry when I told her I was doing okay.
So, am I wrong for having already grieved so much of my mom’s death and being in a place where I’m doing okay most days?
AITA?
Both of these siblings need to be patient and understanding with each other. Of course, her sister is in the wrong for demanding that she grieve differently, but this woman should be patient with her sister, who is still working through her emotions.
Read through the comments below and see what you think about what they have to say.
Be careful not to make things harder for each other.
This person gives a great example of grieving.
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Everyone grieves differently.
This commenter points out that there is no one set process for grieving.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who finally blew up after years of being treated as the second-best sibling.
Grief is a very individual thing.
Grief is a very individual process, and you can’t judge how other people experience it. Her sister needs to be more understanding, but so does this woman.
Unfortunately, the only surefire way to get through grief is the passage of time.
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