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When you move in with someone new, things can be awkward, and it can be a difficult transition, especially if there are kids involved.

What would you do if you moved in with your girlfriend and her daughter, and soon after, you noticed how messy her daughter was in the shared spaces?

That is what happened to the guy in this story, so he talked to his girlfriend about it, but she said that he should talk to her daughter instead. He, however, felt that it should be her responsibility to speak with her to avoid him damaging any relationship that had been built.

Personally, I agree with him. Read through the full story below and see what you think about it.

WIBTA if I asked my girlfriend to make her 18yo daughter clean up after herself in the kitchen, instead of doing it myself?

I (35M) moved in with my girlfriend and her 18yo daughter six months ago.

Cleaning up after other people can be frustrating.

I pay my fair share of rent and expenses. Things are mostly good, except for the kitchen.

I’ll wipe down and deep clean the entire space, and then the daughter will make a snack and leave crumbs everywhere, dirty cups out, utensils on the counter, etc.

It should be her mother who talks to the daughter.

Her mom usually just cleans up after her, which I think enables it. I’m sick of living in a messy kitchen, but I also don’t want to clean up after an 18-year-old.

When I brought this up to my girlfriend, she told me that since I pay rent, I’m “completely within my rights” to confront her daughter directly and tell her to clean up.

He doesn’t want to make things weird between him and the daughter.

Here’s the issue: I don’t think it’s my place. I’m non-confrontational, but more importantly, I don’t want to step into a weird step-parent/authority figure role and ruin my relationship with the daughter.

I feel like parenting and setting household standards for her child is the mother’s responsibility.

No, this is the way it should be handled.

WIBTA if I tell my girlfriend it’s her job to address this with her daughter, even though she gave me “permission” to handle it myself?

While this type of thing should have been discussed before he moved in, he is right about wanting the mother to be the one to have the conversation. If he starts trying to boss the daughter around, it will only strain the relationship.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

The mother should be the one to have this conversation, but she doesn’t want to.

It really doesn’t have to be a big deal, though.

This commenter says to move out.

Here is a young person who says it doesn’t have to be a confrontation.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a friend group that’s split when one roommate backs out of their dream apartment.

This person says the girlfriend is passing on responsibility, which isn’t good.  It could cause problems.

He isn’t her stepfather yet, so he shouldn’t be the one to have this conversation. It would be one thing if they had known each other for many years, but with it being so new, it could cause problems.

The mother should be the one to deal with it. Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to want to. If he talks to her, he needs to be careful not to make things worse.