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Imagine deciding to buy land and build a house on that land all by yourself. Honestly, I can’t imagine deciding to do that. I’d hire a contractor. I’d have no idea where to begin.

In this story, one couple does make the decision to buy land and build their own home. Their family is willing to help them out, but the boyfriend thinks the girlfriend isn’t doing enough to help out, especially considering the house will be 50% hers.

Is he right, or is he asking too much?

Let’s read the whole story to decide.

AITA for expecting my 29F girlfriend to help with building our house? (27M)

My girlfriend (29F) and I (27M) are building a new house on a plot we purchased.

We decided to do it ourselves with help from family members experienced in construction.

I’ve invested the most time and money, including 10% in deposit, while she hasn’t contributed financially yet.

However, we will both be paying off the loan 50/50.

He wants his girlfriend to help.

I didn’t expect her to work on the construction site since she’s not handy.

Instead, I asked her to handle cooking and occasionally help out.

It’s her house as well, and family support has saved us a lot money.

He’s pretty upset at her.

Unfortunately, she seems unwilling and ungrateful.

She rarely helps beyond her duties—when I ask her to assist with tasks like cleaning up the yard, she gets stressed and limits her help to an hour or two a month, while I work on the house almost every day.

Once, I asked her to pick up lunch for my dad while helping, and she couldn’t even manage the extra 10-minute trip, although he is working for free.

She has a lot of excuses for her attitude.

She blames me for her unwillingness, claiming I set unrealistic expectations and referencing past issues.

She says she never realized it would be this hard before committing, but she contributes very little, leaving me to work 50-60 hours a week.

I understand she has ADHD, a full-time job, and an upcoming exam, and I’m considerate of that. However, I’m feeling overwhelmed and undervalued. I’m afraid to ask her for help to avoid arguments, often giving in to keep the peace.

Am I a jerk for not respecting her boundaries, or am I actually being too soft?

It sounds like she truly does have a lot going on. Does he also have a full-time job? Is he also going to school? Or is the house project his job? It’s hard to know what’s fair considering I’m not sure what he has going on besides the house. It could be that she’s being lazy, or it could be that she’s overwhelmed and burnt out.

Let’s see how Reddit responded.

This person has a suggestion.

Another person has a prediction for the future.

Someone with ADHD weighs in.

But this person points out how much his girlfriend has going on.

She’s not doing as much as he would like her to do, but if she’s doing everything they agreed she would do, then she’s not exactly being lazy.

They need to talk this out.

She does have a lot going on.

If they both underestimated how much work this would be, they may need to reassess what they’re each going to contribute towards the project.