Pexels

When you move in with roommates, it would be nice to think that mutual respect would be a given. After all, you’re all in the same boat, all sharing a house likely to make living in your city affordable, and respecting one another to ensure that you all at least feel safe and welcome in your home seems like the least that you could do for each other. But alas, not all folk are made equal, and everyone likely has very different ideas about what behaviours, levels of messiness and cleanliness, disruption and jokes or messages are acceptable. That’s why it’s important to set clear boundaries from day one.

The guy in this story was wise to this, and set one clear boundary from the day that he and his roommate moved in together. He was a chill roommate but had one rule: don’t go into my room without permission. And that boundary seems more than reasonable – after all, in a shared house there is so little private space that is your own, that your bedroom is a sanctuary and should rightfully remain that way. Besides, he had a history with people snooping.

But his roommate really wasn’t getting the message.

Read on to find out what happened here.

AITA for not wanting my roommate in my room?

My roommate (22, female) and I (20, male) have lived together for about six months.

One of the things that was agreed upon when I moved in with her was that I don’t want anyone else, including her, in my room.

I grew up in a household where my privacy wasn’t respected, and I would routinely get home to my parents tearing through my room without me in there and without my permission. It still gives me anxiety.

Let’s see how the roommate reacted to that boundary.

My roommate is usually good about honoring my request. However, lately she’s been making a fuss about the request.

My roommate’s parents were super good about honoring her privacy, and she’s super open about her space. Lately, she’s been making small comments like, “why do you care who’s in your room if you have nothing to hide?” and “well what if I need something from your room?”

And when she does this, I always tell her that it’s not about having anything to hide, it’s that it gives me a lot of anxiety, but she doesn’t seem to get it.

And now, she’s starting to disrespect his wishes.

A couple days ago, I got home from work to find my roommate in my room.

When I confronted her about it, she said she was quickly dropping my laundry onto my bed. I told her that she should have just left it on the couch until I got home, and that she didn’t need to go into my room.

I usually do the laundry, but because my roommate got laid off from her job and I didn’t, she started doing it, so after confronting her I brushed off the incident as a one time thing.

But then it happened again.

Yesterday though I found her in my room again, this time because she needed to borrow my charger. I told her again that I didn’t want her in my room.

I was trying to keep calm but I’ll admit I was very agitated.

She said I was overreacting and that it wasn’t a big deal and I should just suck it up. And today she was giving me the silent treatment, so I’m genuinely wondering if I overreacted.

AITA?

This guy was clear about his boundary from the beginning.

He does not want to live with the anxiety that his parents caused him, and now his roommate is causing him that very same anxiety in the present.

Either she just doesn’t get it, or she doesn’t respect him or his mental health at all.

Never Miss a Story

Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit thought about this.

This person agreed that his roommate did not respect him.

While others suggested getting a lock.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a resident who is not amused by new parking rules, so locks a lot gate to teach management a lesson.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought the situation might be worse than he thought.

Through the time they’ve lived together, this guy has trusted his roommate – he’s believed that she honoured their agreement for her not to go in his room without his permission, and he has felt relaxed as a result of that. But now that he’s found her in his room not once but twice, it’s quite clear that either she isn’t understanding or is refusing to accept his boundaries. And now that he knows that about her, his anxiety – which the boundary probably helped with – is probably through the roof again.

Regardless of whether or not she thinks that the boundary is ridiculous or one that he shouldn’t have if he has nothing to hide, her complete lack or respect for it shows where she thinks she stands. And it’s totally unacceptable. The boundary should have been enough but now, if he wants to keep living with his roommate despite the red flags, he’s going to have to take more serious action like getting a lock for his door. Because she pushed him to that.

Add TwistedSifter to your Google News Add us as a preferred source on Google

Author

Kyra Piperides

Kyra Piperides, PhD | Contributing Science Writer

Dr. Kyra Piperides is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter, specializing in Science & Discovery. Holding a PhD in English with a dedicated focus on the intersections of science, politics, and literature, she brings over 12 years of professional writing and editorial expertise to her reporting.

Kyra possesses a highly authoritative background in academic publishing, having served as the editor of an academic journal for three years. She is also the published author of two books and numerous research-driven articles. At TwistedSifter, she leverages her rigorous academic background to translate complex scientific concepts, global tech innovations, and environmental breakthroughs into highly engaging, accessible narratives for a mainstream audience.

Based in the UK, Kyra is an avid backpacker who spends her free time immersing herself in different cultures across distant shores—a passion that brings a rich, global perspective to her writing about Earth and nature.

Connect with Kyra on Twitter/X and Instagram.