Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It’s an old saying, but it has never been more true. Because attraction and what folks find beautiful is such a subjective thing – and while some people are considered aesthetically beautiful to some folk, others might see that beauty in a very different way. It’s all down to what we ourselves see and value, and that is borne of so many factors in a psychological sense as well as merely our own preferences.

Have you ever been on a date with someone that you were very attracted to physically, but when getting to know them you felt like their personality changed things about the way you saw them? It’s not uncommon for a lack of personality click to dull that initial attraction, and if you really don’t like something about them as a person, you’ll probably find that they’re now less physically attractive to you too.

That’s totally normal – as is really liking people who you don’t initially find physically attractive, based on the kind of person that they are. And it’s the case in a friendship sense too, as the woman in this story makes quite clear. Because although she doesn’t consider her roommate to be beautiful physically, she really values her friendship. But that’s where the problems started.

Read on to find out why.

AITA for never calling my roommate beautiful?

I’d say my roommate (we’re both 23 and female) has always been a very straightforward and somewhat blunt person.

Some relevant examples: once in high school we were at a lunch table with other friends when she out of nowhere remarked that she had never thought I was (physically) beautiful, but she could see it all of a sudden.

I was neither hurt nor flattered, since I had never sought to impress her. I also didn’t (and don’t) think she was beautiful either, and to me that is completely natural.

We all find some people beautiful and some people, not beautiful. I did however think she had been rude to say something like that, as I imagined some people might be hurt by the first part of her remark.

And her roommate’s focus on appearances didn’t stop there.

She will also sometimes say to me that someone she sees on social media is ugly – which I also think is rude even though that person is not around, and especially because I have not solicited her opinion on the person’s appearance, and I have told her as much.

But generally, I have simply taken these tendencies to mean she is the kind of person who appreciates honesty.

While getting ready in front of the mirror, she’ll often say to herself how beautiful she is and gas herself up – and I’m all for that lol, remind yourself that you’re the **** everyday.

But a few times, the last time a few days ago, she’s followed up by asking me why I never call her beautiful, which is true.

Yikes. Let’s see how this woman responds.

I always jokingly brush it off and end the conversation, but I realise that most people might respond to that question by calling her beautiful (am I wrong about that?)

However, I feel very fake/uncomfortable saying things to people that aren’t genuine; I would rather not say anything at all. I feel like even if I tried, she’d figure out I was being fake right away.

She also seems to have a great amount of self-confidence, which makes me think it doesn’t really matter to her whether I think she’s beautiful or not. Perhaps she has noticed me call other people beautiful, but I don’t think I do that that often enough for it to seem like she is the only one I do not call beautiful.

I don’t hesitate to compliment her features/outfits, but I have never called her overall face or body beautiful. Am I wrong for never calling her beautiful?

AITA?

Wow, this situation is a little weird.

It’s clear that her roommate is fixated on appearances and maybe expects or is even desperate for this feedback as a confidence boost.

But her roommate isn’t there to give it, and certainly shouldn’t be coerced into lying.

Let’s see how folks on Reddit reacted to this.

This person thought that her roommate was fishing for compliments.

While others thought that she could find other things to compliment without being fake.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who had to sprint to the bathroom the moment he got home, then emerged to find his partner upset he didn’t greet her properly.

Meanwhile, others encouraged her to not play into this at all.

It’s a shame that her roommate seems to feel the need to get external validation on her looks, but lets be honest – in this internet age where beautiful people are just a quick scroll away, it’s easy to be made to feel very insecure about the way you look. Because insecurity sells, and more and more women (and men) are being made increasingly insecure by the way that flaws are so clear online, and the ‘fixes’ to those flaws marketed all over the internet too. It makes us feel like there’s something wrong with us, and we will only be considered attractive if those flaws are fixed.

But it’s clear that the roommate isn’t so focused on looks, and instead values her friend’s personality – perhaps she is one of many folk out there who are attracted to people (in both a romantic and platonic way) because of who they are, not what they look like. It’s a very valid form of attraction, and one that often leads to much deeper and more genuine connections. So of course, she feels wrong lying to her friend and saying that she’s beautiful aesthetically, even when she doesn’t believe that. However, perhaps she can compliment the beauty that she does see inside her friend. Then, everyone will be happy.