She Asked For Help Covering Their Aging Father’s Groceries, But Her Brother Blew Up Instead Of Stepping Up
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Caring for an aging parent gets complicated fast when old family tensions never really disappeared. After another fall, the youngest of four siblings agrees to handle groceries for a father she has already kept some emotional distance from.
What starts as a simple errand gets tense when a small unreimbursed expense leads her to ask someone else to take the next turn.
Read the full breakdown below.
AITA for asking siblings to cover aging father’s grocery run because of tight budget?
I am the youngest (F46) of 4 siblings (M49, F55, and F59) and our dad has been in failing health for a while including falls.
His first fall requiring medical attention was in January, and I took him to the ER.
In the time since, we’ve all been working on trying to get his house ready to sell and various medical things more recently to see about assisted living.
Family ties aren’t that strong.
I have distanced myself from our dad in the last year. He’s not a kind man.
Every one of us has expressed frustration dealing with him through this, and none of us has a loving history with him.
The way I’ve chosen to handle it is just go about the business of what needs to be done but maintain distance.
History with my brother is also not good – our other siblings have acknowledged how he’s pretty much always hated and picked on me, and we don’t speak outside of the absolutely necessary things.
And now the challenge arises…
Another fall requiring an ER trip happened last week, with my brother going with him.
Toward the end of the week, my brother asked if I could make a grocery run for our dad if he couldn’t figure out the apps for pickup or delivery, so that our dad wouldn’t have to risk falling at the grocery store (this has apparently happened a couple of times).
I contacted my dad for his grocery list, and he said it’d work better if I came out so he could show me what he needed, so I went to his house and got the grocery list together, went to the store he preferred to shop at and got everything, and went back.
When I got back, he noticed one item “wasn’t enough to get through the next day”, so I went and got the right size (another $20) and ran it back the next morning.
He had covered the initial grocery trip but didn’t offer to reimburse for this item and I didn’t want to look like a jerk asking about it.
Was that a mistake not to say something then?
Tuesday, I texted my siblings and asked if someone else could handle the next trip, explaining that because I’d absorbed some cost and my budget is too tight, I would really appreciate it and I’d be glad to talk through his needs with whoever was going.
My brother responded with a tirade about all of the expenses he’s incurred making trips out to mow, couldn’t believe my budget was that tight, and telling me I have “F’d up priorities”.
That was not the time to deliver that message…
I snapped back at him. I told him that it’s nothing to do with my priorities, which are none of his business anyway, and that my budget IS that tight. Also none of his business.
And I told him he could F his attitude.
AITA?
Our family has been so dysfunctional for so long, I can’t tell if I’ve been responding like an emotional teenager or if I’ve just been having my attempt at healthy boundaries pushed and I’ve reacted to that as a reasonable person would.
Dealing with family is especially difficult when there is money involved and figuring out who is responsible.
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Let’s see what other commenters had to say about this story.
Another asks for more details to see if the angry response is warranted.
Here’s one who suggests how they could contribute in another way.
Finally, this commenter suggests having an actual conversation about who’s responsible for what and reaching an agreement.
She explained that her budget was too tight to keep absorbing extra costs and asked her siblings to cover the next grocery run instead.
Her brother responded by criticizing her priorities and pointing to his own expenses, while commenters mostly agreed the siblings needed a clearer plan for dividing responsibilities.
A twenty-dollar grocery problem turned out to have decades of family history packed inside it.
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