She Demanded Elaborate Celebrations for Her Birthday—Then Complained Her Family’s Handcrafted Gifts “Showed Lack of Effort”
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Thoughtful gestures become exhausting when appreciation depends on satisfying rules nobody bothered to explain.
Despite an overloaded work schedule, one daughter still marked her mother’s special days with gifts, cards, texts, and a public tribute.
That effort was later dismissed during an unrelated argument because one specific form of contact had been missing.
Let’s see how carefully she followed the newly announced standard.
Only Phone Calls Matter. You Get What You Asked For! 🙂
My mother is toxic and likes to have unspoken rules for me that I never know exist until I break them.
However, I have one time in my life where I broke one but decided she was going to eat her own words because I had enough.
OP made sure to acknowledge both Mother’s Day and the mom’s birthday.
A few years ago, her birthday in May landed on a weekday with Mother’s Day that weekend.
I was busy at work that week and was already working weekends and overtime. But I always made sure to remember her birthday and Mother’s Day.
I bought her presents, sent her a birthday card and Mother’s Day card, texted her a happy birthday and Mother’s Day and even gave a very well thought out post on her FB.
It’s all I had time for.
Mom didn’t even say “thank you.”
However, I never heard a word from her.
She didn’t call me, nor did I get a text if she even received the present that I sent her.
No thank you’ s, nothing.
I was too busy to even ask about it and with her typical behavior of ignoring me I just didn’t press her about it.
OP is clearly not the golden child.
In December a special event came up in my life which I told her about several times.
My sister had similar events, and my mother always remembered hers. So, when it came and went with her saying nothing, I brought it up over text.
I was told that she “didn’t realize it was important to me”.
I was upset and admittedly angry over once again being ignored and forgotten about.
Mom thought she had been forgotten.
Cue her usual deflection in which she then turned the entire argument around on me and that’s when I found out she did receive my present – 7 months later!
She then told me, and I quote, “You didn’t think it hurt my feelings when you didn’t bother to call me on my birthday or Mother’s Day? Sorry but Facebook cards just don’t get it and neither does texting;”.
Fine. Cue my malicious compliance.
No more presents.
For the next year she never got a text, a FB post, birthday present, Mother’s Day present, Christmas present etc.
But she got her phone call on her birthday and holidays.
Phones calls are the ONLY thing she received because as she said, other forms of communication and thoughtful gestures didn’t cut it.
Sis called OP out on the lack of presents.
After a year of this, my mother sends in her reliable flying monkey.
My sister calls me to tell me that, “Mom doesn’t think you love her because you don’t send her presents anymore.”
I’d like to say I stood my ground but at the time I was still a doormat, so the malicious compliance ended.
I’m no contact with my family now but to this day…it makes me proud that for once I used her words against her and set a boundary. She never said that to me again, so it was worth it! 🙂
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I get the malicious compliance, but did the mom know that OP sent presents for her birthday and Mother’s Day and they just somehow got lost in the mail?
I think there’s a communication issue here where the mom feels unloved due to lack of gifts and phone calls, and OP feels unloved due to the mom not showing up for an event. It could be a love languages issue.
Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story.
This person thinks OP’s malicious compliance was brilliant!
Another person calls the mom “a piece of work.”
This person has a suggestion.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who refuses to change her 4th of July traditions for her in-laws, sparking a family feud.
Another person can relate to this story.
After her mother declared that texts, posts, cards, and gifts did not count without a phone call, OP spent the next year providing calls and nothing else.
Her mother eventually complained through OP’s sister that the missing presents meant she was unloved, proving the original rule only applied when convenient.
She demanded the premium voice-call package, then acted stunned when OP canceled every complimentary add-on included with her emotional subscription.
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