Shutterstock

There’s making accommodations…and then there’s being told to tolerate everything. For years, one woman has worked with a colleague who openly cites autism as the reason behind constant interruptions, talking over women, and refusing to respect boundaries.

At first, she tried to be understanding. But when “this is how my brain works” became the go-to response for behavior that feels dismissive (and sometimes outright disrespectful) it stopped feeling like awareness… and started feeling like a free pass.

So now she’s questioning where empathy ends and accountability begins.

AITAH that I don’t accept my co-worker having autism as an excuse for disrespectful behavior?

I (35f) am sick and tired of working with this co-worker (33m). He is incredibly misogynistic, thinks very highly of himself and calls us names, but thinks he is untouchable because he has autism.

When I first met him (3 years ago), he was very open about his autism and how he works differently. I was never given a heads up about this guy before I started this job but appreciated at the time how open he was about it.

It first started with constant interruptions. He always interrupts women at work, and the few times he’s called out for it he says “I apologize, however I am autistic and this is how my brain works” implying that we just have to put up with it.

Ummm, okay.

I personally have a hard time with this as I am also neurodivergent and was constantly punished for interrupting as a child and eventually learnt not to do it, so I find it difficult to put up with the constant interruptions and him using autism as an excuse as to why he does it.

Second is that he is a very traditional man. We work a job where most women in this field are more progressive politically, so this co-worker is the odd one out with his traditional values in the workplace.

He is constantly talking about how “as a man” he should do xyz and that “as a woman” we should do xyz. WHenever a woman asks for help, instead of just helping them without saying anything, he will make a comment along the line of “as a man I will help you because that’s just what men do”. You will try and call him out for it and he’ll be like “well that’s just how I was raised” and unwilling to listen to you.

That seems wildly hypocritical.

He also is a massive mansplainer. He will start explaining something to you and you will tell him “I already know this”, “I already understand”, “I don’t need you to explain this to me” etc etc. But he will just keep explaining.

Every so often you will call him out on it and he will say “it’s due to my autism, I just have to tell you”. But it is extremely belittling and undermining to women when he does this. ANd I have a hard time accepting autism as an excuse for this.

We set a boundary of “no you need to stop explaining this to me” and he will ignore that boundary and keep going.

Wowwww.

I sometimes feel guilty rolling my eyes and not accepting him using autism as an excuse for all of this behavior.

Also, this is a tiny sliver of what it is like working with him, there is a lot more going on.

But from what we know, AITAH for not tolerating autism as an excuse for poor behavior?

Reddit largely leaned NTA, with many pointing out that while autism can affect communication style, it doesn’t excuse ignoring boundaries or engaging in disrespectful behavior.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a widow who returned to a store to thank employees for their kindness to her late husband.

This person says HR should be working with this guy.

This person is autistic too and has managed.

And this person says this is so not an excuse.

Understanding explains behavior, using it as a shield is where people draw the line.