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A new baby is a really precious thing, and something that many people dream of. So those early days with your newborn are something to be treasured, time when you can bond with your child and be there as they experience the world for the first time. It’s an important time for any couple, which is why maternity and paternity leave are so important – so that you can bond with your child and so that both partners can support one another through those early days.

Because honestly, sure it’s a magical time, but you need a lot of support. Some women don’t suffer much at all in the days and weeks after birth, but others – especially if the birth was difficult or traumatic – are going to need plenty of physical as well as emotional support as they adjust to postpartum life. And if postpartum depression arrives, that help is even more vital as the new mom adjusts to her new life.

The couple in this story are going through those early weeks with their newborn child, who took their family from three to four. However, this was during the Covid-19 pandemic which made things all the more complicated, and for this dad who had returned to work, made actually working really tricky.

Read on to find out why.

AITA – working from home and a work life balance

I consider myself very lucky in this challenging time with COVID, as I am able to work from home and have been doing since March 2020.

In addition, this is a new job I started in February 2020 and I’m still in what’s known as probation period for the first six months, which is a standard in the uk.

I’ve also been blessed in that we had our second child in January 2020, and in discussing how we wanted to handle things (shared parental leave or my wife taking my maternity) she wanted to take maternity.

But having a new baby and a wife on maternity leave, things aren’t as easy for him working from home as you might expect.

The issue that keeps coming up is that while I’m working from home, I’m dealing with a complex schedule or meetings and work, often having days where I’m almost back to back video calls, or doing development (I work in IT), or training others.

There are times where I can and will support her (between 9am to 6pm), but there are times when my wife asks if I can help or do things where I just can’t.

I’ve often had the response of “but you’re at home”, or “you’re not on a call now”.

I have to remind her that just because I’m home or working from home that it doesn’t mean I can just drop everything, or just work around what she needs without more notice, which usually is just 30 to 60 minutes notice.

Let’s see how he does try to help out.

I do, where I can, take small breaks when meetings or calls finish early. I use this time to play with the kids, or do tasks (cut grass, cook, shop). This, I feel, gets used against me: “well you seem to get a lot of meetings cut short”.

I highlight that this isn’t in my control, and I do what I can where I can but she is just expecting more help during the day.

I do have responsibilities as a husband and father and readily accept that I can always do better.

Also looking after a new child, plus our six year old isn’t easy and I don’t under-estimate that, but I can’t just be available or flexible during work hours. I also remind her that I wouldn’t be here at home to just help out normally, if it weren’t for the COVID issue.

Now this is starting to put a real strain on their relationship.

It’s getting harder and we’re falling out over it.

I’m now just going to start working in the office again full time (not because I have to, but because I don’t want to fall out over this issue).

Am I being unreasonable?

AITA?

The truth is, this period of time after the new baby arrived was never going to be easy – and with the stress and anxiety of Covid too, it’s no wonder that these parents were starting to feel the strain.

Working from home can be really testing, especially when there are all those responsibilities that you can see – sure you don’t have to commute and you get to eat lunch with your loved ones, but it can be quite distracting too.

And of course, his wife notices that her husband is home and is just looking to him for support, but he has work to do and his probation to pass too.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person understood his frustration.

While others thought that it could be a sign of her overwhelm with her extra responsibilities since the new baby was born.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a customer who can’t seem to come to grips with the fact that her reward points will not cover a purchase.

Meanwhile this Redditor shared a similar experience.

The truth is, this guy clearly wants to support his wife and family. He wants to help out in any way he can – but this also includes working to ensure that they have a stable income to live off. And he’s still in his probationary period too, which means if he wants to keep his job without raising any concerns, he needs to be making sure that he’s working his proper hours to the best of his ability.

While working from home is flexible in many ways, it doesn’t mean that he can just neglect his job while he’s supposed to be working, to look after the kids, however much he might want to. Sadly, his wife is the one on maternity leave and sure she can ask for his help if he’s not hard at work, but really she needs to be treating it as if he’s away in the office until he’s not any more.

But cut her a bit of slack. She’s just birthed a child into the absolute chaos of a pandemic, without the knowledge or foresight on what is going to happen next, and what life will actually look like going forward. She’s also full of hormones and emotions and likely a bit overwhelmed now that her number of children to care for has doubled. It’s not easy for either of them.