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Forgiveness can be offered freely, but trust must be rebuilt through consistent actions over time.

Should declaring personal transformation erase years of abandonment, crime, and responsibility left for relatives to carry?

After sacrificing his career and social life for the family, this man refuses to trust his older brother on words alone.

See how it went down below.

AITA for refusing to accept my convict brother?

A little bit of background.

This must have been a very difficult time.

I’m a 38 year old man. In 2019, I was working in healthcare. That’s when my father got kidney failure. I worked full time during the COVID years while taking care of my father.

I was not alone. I had my mother and my younger brother. My father died in 2023.

For years before that and after that, my older brother opted to spend his time with drugs.

Drugs can ruin a family.

He neglected his parents, his wife and four kids. He got arrested for abusing drugs and got fired.

Served his time for a little while and when got released, he carried on his ways. Ever absent, completely neglecting every shred of responsibility he had.

Even at my father’s funeral, he just attended the burial and disappeared.

This all sounds terribly difficult.

I had to quit my job, moved in with my mother to take care of her, my two living grandparents (In their 80s) and took responsibility for the older brother’s kids and wife.

The wife is a diagnosed schizophrenic so that was a handful as well.

Schools and hospitals were my outings. No social life. Fully dedicated as a caretaker.

What a foolish idea.

In 2024, my brother cooks up a scheme where he would smuggle contraband to a neighboring country. For his ruse, he will take his wife and young daughter as cover.

He even tried to persuade my mother but she refused to accompany him on this “shopping trip”.

He got found out at the border. I had to go through many hurdles to convince the officials that the wife and child had nothing to do with it and I was successful. I managed to get them released. He was charged and sentenced to two years.

People can indeed change, but you don’t have to trust that they did immediately.

Which brings us to now. He got an early release. We only found out because some anonymous person called and told us that. The older brother was missing for 24 hours and then showed up.

He “found” God. My mother swayed. Telling us to embrace this returned prodigal son. I did not.

Over the years, I have voiced my opinion which basically comes down to that if he is on fire, I won’t pee on him to put it out. That if he tells me the sky is blue, I would call him a liar.

As a parent, you always hope your children will turn their lives around.

My younger brother told him years ago that he is dead to him. Despite this, I said to my mother that if he ever seeks forgiveness, then he should make up for all that time lost, to his only surviving parent, to his sick wife, to his neglected children.

Then we will see. There would be no open arms just because he said he mended his ways.

Giving people second (and third, and fourth…) chances is easier for some people than others.

For this past week, the extended family embraced him fully. So did my mother. His kids are on edge. I can see it on their faces.

He had one interaction with me personally where he wanted to borrow the car.

So, he is already making bad choices.

I told him show me his license. He doesn’t have it. Still my mother took the keys and gave it to him.

I knew I’m not getting through. So I retreated. I stopped interacting with this entire lot. There are few glaring actions that I have no space to detail that show me that this is all bull. I can detail them if anyone wants to know.

AITA?

It is completely understandable to not want to trust the brother so soon, especially with him already making bad decisions.

And getting distance from the rest of the family may make sense as well.

Let’s see what the people in the comments say about it.

Yup, hopefully the brother has changed, but only time will tell.

If the brother tries to take the car again, this is the best option.

This commenter’s suggestion would be difficult, but may be necessary.

Being there for the kids is very important.

This might be the best option.

This man is not wrong for requiring evidence before trusting a brother whose actions endangered his family and shifted every responsibility onto others.

Relatives may choose forgiveness, but rebuilding trust requires sobriety, accountability, and sustained care for the wife and children he neglected.

He found God, but his driver’s license remained missing.