Some people come into your life after long absences and expect an immediate bond, especially if they’re family.

But building that trust isn’t always simple, especially when the absence was intentional.

So, what would you do if a parent who hadn’t been around suddenly wanted you to become part of her life and even help her out with childcare despite the years of distance?

Would you happily accept?

Or would you keep everyone at a distance?

In the following story, a young man is facing this exact situation.

Here’s how he’s handling it.

AITA for refusing to babysit my biological mother’s children?

My biological mother had me (19m) when she was 18.

She ended up leaving me with my grandparents, who I consider my parents.

I saw her a few times in the 10 years after, but then she moved out of state and didn’t come back for visits.

I believe a fight over me is why she didn’t return for visits because the last time she was visiting, I was trying to engage with her, and she ignored me.

My parents told her she couldn’t come to visit and act like I wasn’t there; because I was and if she couldn’t behave appropriately to a young child she had no business staying with us.

She moved back to the state 3 years ago.

This time, she’s married with kids.

Now, she wants to be part of his life.

She was very different after this and attempted to mother me after all that time, and I shut it down with help from my parents.

This angered my biological mother.

She expected to be able to dictate to me like she was my parent and not a person who abandoned me and ignored me for years.

The relationships did not go back to normal.

My parents refused to let my biological mother back into our home.

My biological mother said they had other grandkids, and I had siblings who should be in our lives.

They said it would be lovely if it were possible, but they knew she would not be healthy for me, and they refused to make our home uncomfortable for me when I had nobody else.

There were some attempts at making me get to know her kids (2 at the time), but I told my grandparents I wasn’t interested, and they respected that and stood up for my right to say no.

Frustrated, he just wants her to leave him alone.

Now, I’m an adult, and my biological mother is pushing harder for this.

She went as far as asking me to babysit once a week so I could get to know the kids and I wouldn’t have to deal with her if I was so against her.

I said no.

She showed up where I worked to bring this up to me in person and didn’t respect my answer, and my boss needed to ask her to leave.

I’m lucky I have an amazing boss, or she would have gotten me fired.

She sent a letter to our house saying I should be ashamed of refusing to spend time with the kids and I’d be paid for the babysitting and I am rejecting an amazing opportunity and have hurt her kids with my refusal.

AITA?

Wow! That’s a sad situation.

Let’s see what advice the folks over at Reddit had to offer him.

According to this comment, the mother wants free help.

This is so true!

Yes, she obviously told the other children, which makes their hurt her fault.

Great point – he owes her nothing.

Here’s another person who thinks she wants free babysitting.

It’s way too late for her.

She decided years ago she didn’t want to be in his life, and that’s not easy for a child to get over.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.