Planning a big trip for a lot of people is…I dunno, impossible?

Not impossible, just difficult. It has to be done carefully.

If you don’t check all your boxes, you might end up in a situation like this:

AITA for telling a girl she’s not coming to the bachelorette because she can’t afford it, after she kept changing her mind and having other people speak for her?

I’m the MOH planning an 18-girl bachelorette.

In January, I started the group chat and put down ~$7k for the Airbnb.

Everyone had until March to pay their $375 share.

This week I sent the rest of the budget, $250 due by Aug 1.

Then I got a text from a girl we’ll call A:

“Hey it’s A! I didn’t realize we were going to have to send more money on top of the $375 we sent. I just moved into my first apartment and I have no money to give at the moment or in the next couple of months. I definitely cannot afford it right now. Do you want to just give me the $375 back? Or is there something we can do for me to still go? Lmk thx.”

I replied, “I’ll send you your money back.”

She said: “Okay! Thx.”

I refunded her, reran the numbers, and updated the group.

But then there was another change on the itinerary.

The next day, I got a text from girl B saying she and A now want to come just for Saturday.

A bit frustrating, but I said okay and adjusted the budget again.

Later that night, another bridesmaid told me girl C had contacted her to ask me to give A an extension.

I’ve never met A, B, or C, and I was confused.

So I texted A:

“Hey, I’m honestly confused. You mentioned you couldn’t pay and wanted your $375 back, then B said you’re both coming just for Saturday, and now D is asking C about an extension for you. I totally understand things can change, but each time they do, I have to redo all the numbers, which is a lot to manage. Can you let me know your final decision so I can plan accordingly?”

A: “I didn’t say I wanted my $375 back, i asked if you wanted to give that to me or if there was something we can do for me to still go. Because I want to be there for BRIDE. I didn’t ask B to ask you for me she just did it and so did D. They just want me to go. I will do what D and C are saying…thx.”

And now it’s a fight.

Me: “You said ‘i have no money to give at the moment or in the next couple of months. I definitely cannot afford it right now. Do you want to just give me the $300 back.’ That sounds like a beat around the bush way of asking for your money back to me. I don’t care who asked who, all I care about is your final decision. You didn’t ask me for an extension. You did not come to me with a plan ‘hey, money is tight for me. Would I be able to send you half of my remaining balance on August 1st and the other half August 15th?’ Not ‘I definitely cannot afford it now or in the next couple of months.’ I’m not a bank. I don’t know you. I’m not in charge of your finances.”

What did anyone actually intend here?

A: “‘Or is there something we can do for me to still go? Lmk thx’ Did you not read this? Not beating around the bush at all but god why are you being so rude..you could have given everyone a heads up that the price could change or have some kind of budget..i understand this is stressful for you, but you don’t need to be rude to people especially people you don’t know. I’m good actually. I just won’t go. Hope it’s easier for you lol. When BRIDE asks why I’m not going anymore, I’ll be sure to let her know.”

Me: “You’re not going because you can’t afford it.”

Here’s what the comments had to say:

But things like this have repercussions.

I genuinely think there’s no way this arrangement does not end in multiple fights.

And what is with that budgeting?

Personally, I think that yes, “A” was beating around the bush and should have communicated better.

But also, NEVER EVER INVITE PEOPLE TO SOMETHING WITHOUT FIRST TELLING THEM EXACTLY HOW MUCH MONEY THEY WILL BE REQUIRED TO SPEND.

Maybe you’re wealthy enough that a surprise $250 is no big deal; not everyone is so lucky.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.