Grief can make us act very differently, even if we don’t realize it.

But knowing that doesn’t always smooth things over.

AITA for going to my brother’s bday party the same day as my gf’s grandpa’s funeral?

My gf got frustrated with me on the phone and said, “What ******* time?” trying to figure out when my brother’s party is shortly before hanging up without saying she loves me too.

I then texted saying idk why she snapped on me when I couldn’t give an exact time, but it wouldn’t be till late afternoon/early evening.

She then said she’s [angry] because it’s her grandpa’s funeral and was hoping we could be with her grandma.

I said I’m still going to the funeral and clarified that I’ll be sticking around for a bit afterwards cause the party isn’t till several hours later.

That’s a heck of a way to start a conversation.

I also told her she doesn’t have to come to the party and I understand if she doesn’t.

This lead to her asking, “Why don’t you want me to come to the party?”

I told her I never said I don’t want her to go, and that I understand and won’t be upset if she wants to be with her family.

She replied with “Well I want to spend time with my gf so I don’t have a choice.”

I said she has a choice and she’s not being forced to go to the party.

But in her mind, she IS being forced?

I also told her I understand her wanting to be with me but that family is more important, and that as much I love her family I also love my family and that I’d like to be with my little brother for his bday.

She replied with just, “Okay,” and I told her to take some time to think about it and to not be upset.

Her reply was, “Well I am upset. We can talk tomorrow. Goodnight” We haven’t spoken at all since that last text.

Now, she’s pondering things over.

Am I the [jerk] or am I being understanding?

I’m starting to think maybe I’m being selfish, but I went back and forth with my supervisor just to get the day off for the funeral because it’s not for immediate family.

Here’s what the comments parsed out:

It doesn’t seem like there’s any ill intention here.

Many had takes along these lines:

And it probably boils down to this:

Personally, while I understand that grief is awful and it affects our behavior, I also disagree with the assessment that the girlfriend wasn’t being rude.

Starting a conversation with “What ******* time?!” and then decrying everything that comes out of your partner’s mouth isn’t a mature thing to do.

“Listen, it’s going to be a really hard day for me, and I’d love to have you with me and my family the whole time if you can.”

People aren’t mind readers. Growing up means learning to stop assuming they know what you want and start telling them.

If you liked this post, check out this story about an employee who got revenge on a co-worker who kept grading their work suspiciously low.