Losing a close bond with a child you helped raise can feel a lot like grief, especially when it ended on someone else’s terms.

So, what would you do if a friend cut you out of her life over a disagreement, then told you never to contact her daughter again, even though you were like family to that child? Would you respect her wishes forever? Or would you reach out now that the daughter is grown and can decide for herself?

In the following story, one woman finds herself facing this exact decision and is unsure what to do. Here’s what’s going on.

AITA for contacting my now adult Godchild after her mother told me not to?

My high school best friend got pregnant when we were in our early 20s, the baby’s dad was not someone she knew well, and she honestly handled the whole thing very well.

He understood why she wanted me at medical appointments etc. just asked I tell him if there was anything urgent he needed to know.

They decided to try to make it work and were together for a few years. He always wanted to get married and have more kids, but she turned him down.

I was there a lot, an “aunt” to their daughter (L), and very much loved them all.

After her friend got married, communication stopped.

When they broke up, I tried not to take sides, but obviously saw a lot less of L’s dad. I stayed pretty active in L’s life and mostly saw her on her mom’s weeks (they alternated for 50/50 time.)

L’s dad got married and had more kids, and I was happy as that’s always what he wanted, and L’s mom never quite forgave me for not being angry he moved on, so I saw L less.

About 7 years ago, L’s mom also married. I went to the wedding and was thrilled to spend more time with L again, though I was uncomfortable with her new stepdad.

It turns out my instincts were right. Shortly after the wedding, L’s mom picked a silly fight and blocked me.

Even after some years, she was still holding a grudge.

I tried reaching out a few years ago for our 40th birthdays (only a few days apart) and got a not-subtle message that I was a horrible influence and “had different values” and to never speak to her or her daughter again.

L is 21 now, studying at a university, and I know bits of her life from mutual friends.

I miss her, I grieve the little girl I once never went more than a few days without seeing.

Now, I’m not sure if I should reach out directly, try to contact her dad (whom I haven’t spoken to in a decade) instead, or just let it go.

AITA?

Yikes! That sounds like quite a dilemma.

Let’s see what the folks over at Reddit suggest she do.

This person says go for it.

For this reader, she should wait until the girl is out of college.

Yet another person who thinks it’s okay.

According to this person, the girl might appreciate it.

This is a sticky situation.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.