Her Roommate Controlled Everything in Their Apartment — She Put Up With It Until They Fought Over Fresh Flowers — Then She Decided to Move Out
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Living with a roommate only works when both people respect each other.
This woman started realizing that wasn’t happening after she moved in with a friend from graduate school.
Right from the beginning, the roommate complained about everyday things around the apartment and always seemed to want everything done her way.
Then the woman started buying fresh flowers to help with the stress she had been dealing with, and her roommate decided they couldn’t stay in the kitchen anymore.
When she moved them back, the disagreement quickly turned into an argument that involved a mutual friend and ended with the roommate saying she wanted nothing to do with her.
That’s when the woman decided it was time to find somewhere else to live.
Keep reading to learn the full story.
AITA for moving out of my apartment because of flowers?
I (26F) met my friend Jackie (26F) in grad school five years ago.
Last July, I had to break my lease due to financial issues, and Jackie offered to split her 2-bedroom with me. I moved in, was added to the lease, and overall we had a decent 8 months as roommates.
Jackie is known for being bossy. I usually didn’t mind, but from the start there was a power dynamic. When I mentioned adding decor to the living room, she told me our styles didn’t match and that I could run ideas by her for approval before I add anything.
Unfortunately, she’s been stressed lately.
She also complained a lot—about me cooking, using the dishwasher or garbage disposal, using too many paper towels, and even how I handled taking off my shoes. I adjusted where I could and ignored the rest. It felt more like her personality than anything malicious, and over time I got used to it.
Lately, I haven’t been doing great mentally (stress at work + history of anxiety/depression), and I found that having fresh flowers helped. I put them in the kitchen so I’d see them coming and going.
Jackie had a Dior coffee table book in the kitchen as decor. Some pollen got on it, and she pointed it out. I thought it was surface-level and offered to clean it, but she declined and went to her room. I didn’t think much of it.
Her roommate never directly said anything else.
Weeks pass. I kept buying flowers. She complained occasionally, but it felt like her usual nagging.
One night, she woke me up to say she moved the flowers and didn’t want them in the kitchen anymore. Half asleep, I just said okay. The next morning, I saw them shoved in a corner and got annoyed. It felt unreasonable that the only thing I added to a shared space had to be approved, so I moved them back.
Later, after a stressful work meeting, I got a harsh text from Jackie saying that moving the flowers back showed I didn’t respect her, and she wouldn’t respect me going forward. I replied that she was out of line and that I pay $900/month and shouldn’t need permission to have flowers in a shared space.
Then, she brought another friend into it.
She involved a mutual friend to mediate. That alone felt ridiculous. It was just flowers.
During the mediation, it became clear it wasn’t just about that. Jackie had been upset about the Dior book and felt I never properly apologized. I don’t remember being dismissive, but I acknowledged her feelings, apologized sincerely, and offered to replace it.
She responded by calling me weird, inconsiderate, and said I wasn’t capable of being a real friend. She said she wanted nothing to do with me.
Now, she’s hired movers and will be out soon.
That’s when I realized our friendship may not have meant as much to her as it did to me if something like this could end it.
I had been a supportive friend—endlessly encouraging her in school, listening to her issues, and doing pretty much everything she asked. I also overlooked hurtful things, like her defending a friend using a *** slur in front of me (I’m ***) and her repeatedly using the common area to party with friends until 4-5 am and disrupting my sleep.
I’ve bought a replacement Dior book and hired movers. I’m moving out next week.
AITA?
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Wow! Her roommate sounds like a hard person to live with.
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Let’s check out what the people over at Reddit think about their situation.
So true!
This person just wants to know what a Dior book is.
For this person, it’s not about the flowers.
She does sound pretty bad.
Her roommate sounds completely over the top.
It started with the decorations, then she complained about everyday things around the apartment, and eventually she even decided the flowers couldn’t stay in the kitchen. At some point, it stops sounding like normal roommate disagreements and starts sounding like someone who always has to be in control.
At the same time, though, fresh flowers are probably one of those things both roommates should agree on because some people do have allergies.
Clearly, these two are better off living separately. Hopefully her next place feels a lot more like home, and she doesn’t have to worry about getting permission every time she wants to add something to a shared space.
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