When married couples are friends with other married couples, the friend group can drastically change when one of those married couples gets divorced.

In today’s story, a married couple is splitting up, and the exes decided which of their friends they will each get to stay friends with. That’s not sitting well with one of their friends who they agreed would be the wife’s friend. She doesn’t want to be the wife’s friend.

Let’s find out why she doesn’t want to be friends with the wife…

AITA because I won’t let friends decide “who gets me” in their divorce?

I (F) had a very good friend (M) John in high school. He started dating Jane. (all same age).

In college I met and married my husband. We all went to the same college and all got along famously. It was really the most ideal thing ever.

One night, now 15 years into our friendship, and 11 years into my marriage, I hear the phone and my husband is basically flying out the door in the dead of night.

OP’s husband promised John he wouldn’t tell her what was going on.

I said what is going on?

He says he can’t tell me. He’s SUPER uncomfortable with this.

I see his phone says John. He apologized profusely, says he doesn’t know what to do, he can only say he promised not to say, and left.

I sat up waiting for hours wondering what happened! My mind was spinning!

John and Jane are getting a divorce.

Long story short, Jane was cheating on John, doing drugs, and had a hysterectomy behind his back. John left her and gathered “the guys” to tell them.

Husband came home and was surprised I was still there. Apparently Jane was going to meet with me and “the girls” but took drugs and passed out. Messing up the plan to tell everyone equally.

I confronted John saying I was friends with him before Jane! Before ANYONE in the group! Not only that he got my husband to LIE to me?! Unacceptable.

He said they agreed Jane “could have me” in the divorce so he didn’t know what else to do. She doesn’t have much family and now fewer to no friends.

OP doesn’t think John and Jane have a right to decide who she gets to be friends with.

John knows I’ve lost family members to drug addiction and the lies and hurt that came out of that.

Jane has been using drugs, cheating, and hiding it for like 10 years. She admitted to this.

John desperately wanted a big family. THATS gone.

They both knew this is not something I would forgive. Even if I did, it’s MY CHOICE who I decide to have, or not have, as friends. I’m not property to split.

John invites OP’s husband to go out but he doesn’t invite OP.

I let it go because I knew John was devastated. They had been TTC and the whole time it was a lie.

My husband and I had a talk. I don’t approve but he thought I’d be getting my own call. That I’d be confused and worried for minutes not hours.

Moving forward John says I need to be there for Jane. He invites my husband out but not me. We’re also devastated that our whole social group is imploding.

My husband went to a few outings to be supportive and to give John time. It’s been 6 months and still no invites for me.

OP doesn’t want to be Jane’s friend.

John has said he has nothing against me in this.

Jane came clean and no one in my group is suspected of covering up for her, etc. She simply “asked for me” and it’s “the least he could do”.

The group is divided. Some say I should be there for Jane. I’ve known her most of my life and they say she shouldn’t start from scratch without any friends after a divorce, rehab, etc.

On the secret hysterectomy alone I just can’t respect her anymore. I don’t want her as a friend….. but I’m the only one “she asked for”.

I don’t think you can be forced to be friends with someone. Jane made some huge mistakes and hid them from everyone including OP. She shouldn’t feel forced to have to hang out with her like they’re all good when they’re not.

Let’s see how Reddit reacted to this story…

This reader thinks OP and her husband should cut contact with John and Jane.

Another reader doesn’t think Jane deserves friends.

Here’s how one woman’s husband would handle this situation…

This reader thinks John might be lying.

Here’s the perspective of a woman who has had a hysterectomy…

Maybe she should at least talk to Jane to hear her side of the story.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.