Making a situation official through a stepparent adoption is often the best possible move, and it can mean a lot to a kid.

But it’s not ALWAYS the way to go, and things can get pretty charged.

Like in this story here.

AITAH for not wanting my husband to legally adopt my daughter

I female 36 have a 14 y/o daughter from a previous relationship.

I did cheat on the biological father of my daughter, which caused the breakup.

Soon after the breakup, my daughter’s bio dad joined the military, and has been active duty every since.

So, not a great ending there.

But another beginning was on its heels.

I met my now husband about a year after my daughter was born.

He has been a wonderful stepfather. And very active in my daughter’s life.

A couple of weeks ago. My husband sat me down, and asked what I thought if he adopted my daughter.

He wanted it as a 5th birthday gift to my daughter.

I laughed because I thought he was joking.

To be clear, it’s not as though dad is a deadbeat.

For context, though my daughter’s father is away most of the time, she still has a relationship with him. They talk almost daily.

She goes on vacations with he and his family (wife and other children).

He visits as often as he can and not just for special events either.

And of course sends money etc.

So she really doesn’t get where this is coming from.

My husband knows ALL of this. And we have 2 children together as well.

So I’m just boggled as to why he would even think up the crazy thought.

We haven’t spoken much since this.

And he threw out in angrument the other day about not wanting a broken home for her.

But she’s not in one.

But he’s still pursuing it.

So he wants to discuss this with my daughter. For her thoughts.

I said absolutely not.

Why make her think less of her bio dad?

Why cause strife with her bio dad?

Why put thoughts in her head that probably don’t even exist?

But am I the A hole here?

Let’s see what the comments have to say:

Some were downright suspicious.

He needs to get a grip.

Even if you give him the benefit of the doubt, this is weird.

As was stated many times, this isn’t stepdad’s decision. It’s not even the daughter’s decision.

Her father would have to give up his parental rights voluntarily before stepdad could even TRY to adopt her, and there’s no reason on earth to think that would happen.

Having this conversation would just be an exercise in heartache and confusion.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.