As you become an adult, your life often gets very busy, so it can be hard to make plans with friends and family the way you want.

What would you do if your best friend had a birthday coming up, but every time you would try to make plans to celebrate, she would change the plans or say things didn’t work?

That is what was happening to the woman in this story, so on her friend’s birthday she simply texted her ‘Happy Birthday’ and now her friend is mad that she didn’t do more.

AITAH for keeping it brief with my best friend on her birthday?

So, my best friend graduated and moved back home this year.

Lots of difficult changes, that’s for sure.

It’s been a rough transition (break up with fiancé, going from her own apartment to sleeping on her mom’s couch, getting kicked out a few months later).

Just giving context for the headspace she was in, she’s in much better circumstances now.

She has low expectations.

Her birthday was coming up in 3 months, and she’s expressed never having a good birthday due to her ex never planning anything. I asked what she wanted to do and got mixed replies each time.

At first she needed ideas, so I said what I normally do. Long story short she didn’t like any of those ideas, so I suggested events that fit her aesthetic, restaurants she might like, and hinted at a surprise birthday with friends/family.

Does she even know what she wants?

She liked the party idea at first, gave me a list of people to invite, and I considered my house or renting a room. She later declined because she felt it wouldn’t really be a party with such few people.

About a month before her birthday, her living situation improved and she started dating a guy from my university.

This is very reasonable.

She said she wanted to spend the morning with family, afternoon with me, and night with him. I was fine with that and started planning our afternoon.

Since time was short, I planned to pay for her nails, got a small cake, items she’d been eyeing, and a card.

Making plans like this can be a challenge.

She then said plans changed again and now I’d be doing the first half of the day and he’d do the second half. I said that was fine but needed to finish my final exams, and would come back to her with times. She agreed & said okay.

The following day, she said she wanted to spend the whole day with him, and that we could celebrate the day before, though she’d be busy with other appointments in the morning and leaving at 7pm to drive to his house.

She is making this impossible.

I tried to align our nail appointments. Hers was at 4:30pm. I asked if I should book before her so we could celebrate there. She said “it’s up to you.”

I felt brushed off and expressed that. She said she wasn’t prioritizing either person and that plans kept changing to “meet me in the middle.” I thought that comment was weird but kept it pushing.

What else could she do?

On her birthday, I texted “happy bday” and left that at that.

Later, she said I was wrong for being frustrated, that it made her cry to argue with her best friend the day before her birthday, and that I should’ve waited to express my feelings.

Her friend sounds exhausting.

She said I should’ve said “okay have fun” in regards to being with him, that I texted dry, should’ve made an Instagram story post, that I was overextending myself, communicated times too slowly, felt like I was calling her male centered, and that “it’s up to you” wasn’t meant rudely.

Texting does leave interpretation for tonality, so I apologized for taking that to heart.

This just isn’t her style.

I then said I only did Instagram birthday posts when she was away at college and haven’t done so since 2023.

As for “arguing,” I said friends shouldn’t walk on eggshells and should be able to talk about what’s bothering them and come to a resolution afterwards.

AITA?

It seems like nothing she could have done would have made her friend happy. Sometimes you just can’t win.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about this story.

Yup, you can only do so much.

People like this are difficult to be friends with.

Me too, her friend is insufferable.

This is undoubtedly how it is.

Yup, the boyfriend is taking priority.

Is this friendship even worth the effort?

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.