Anyone who has ever lived with a freeloader knows how fast tolerance turns into resentment.

This stay-at-home mom of five learned that lesson quickly after taking over her mom’s house with her family. She agreed to let her sibling stay as a temporary roommate, but his lifestyle included an unpredictable working schedule, deplorable cleaning habits, and absolutely no respect for shared spaces.

She sent him a calm, structured message about cleaning, but he refused to even open the message. The excuses that followed just drove her even more crazy.

Keep reading of the full story.

AITA? Brother won’t clean shared spaces

I could use some advice or maybe even validation.

I, 30, female, am a stay at home mom to 5 kids. My fiancé, 28, male works full time to support us.

I am extremely grateful to get to be a stay at home mom as I have wanted this my whole mom life.

But soon her life is clouded by some extra family drama.

To sum up the past to give context, my mom wanted a fresh start and wanted to move.

Mom offered for us to move in and take over the house.

We told her that she could stay a whole month before leaving without paying anything so she can save for her move.

She agreed but asked could my brother, 28, stay until she finds a new place.

Her brother is a different story entirely.

More information that may be relevant. My brother works a part time job, he refuses to drive, and acts like a hermit.

So, with him staying back when she leaves, he’s agreed to pay one utility bill.

I should also add he has his own bedroom. And he has a best friend who is here often.

This is where I’m stuck on if I’m the AH or not.

So she decides she needs to set expectations with her sibling.

I sent out a text outlining the rules, not super harsh, to my brother and his friend.

Along the lines of everyone should be cleaning after themselves, I’m not a maid for anyone but my kids and my man.

Heaven knows she already does more than her fair share of that as a SAHM.

Because that’s what I have been. I’m cleaning every day all day.

And not just mess from my kids. That I wouldn’t mind.

We share the kitchen and the bathroom with my brother. He rarely uses the living room, although he has access to it.

So my text was a gentle but firm about everyone cleaning after themselves or they can be added to the chore chart just like my kids.

Let’s just say the friend passed the test, but the sibling failed.

My brother’s friend came to me and said he understood and he would try to be better about cleaning up after himself.

My brother just flat out refused to read the message bc it was too long. This was a couple days ago.

Turns out, his definition of cleaning is quite different.

I brought it up again this morning, and his justifications are “if I dribble pee on the toilet I wipe it off.”

No he isn’t using a cleaner just toilet paper.

I tried explaining to him that his pee still goes in the toilet that I’m scrubbing everyday.

But that was only just the beginning of the drama.

Then I brought up something that happened the other day.

I was standing at the sink and he grabbed a bag of rice out the cabinet and rice went everywhere. On the counters, the dish rack, and even the floor.

He cleaned at it. Later that day I went to re-clean the kitchen and I was the one who had to pick up the leftover rice.

I swept it up and had to take the dish rack and dump the rice out of it.

Even though it seemed small on the surface, it was enough to send her over the edge.

And I know that’s not a big deal, but when it’s situations happening like this all the time it becomes overbearing.

So, I brought the rice thing up in the conversation this morning and his justifications were that if he cleaned all the rice he would have had to clean part of the kitchen.

It’s clear to her that her brother isn’t respecting any of the ground rules she made.

Because so what if you had to clean part of the kitchen. You live here and it’s from a mess you caused.

Am I the AH for wanting my brother and his company to clean up after themselves even though I’m a stay at home mom?

Maybe letting her sibling stay with her was a bad idea.

Redditors chime in with their thoughts.

It’s evident to this user that her brother needs to get out as soon as possible.

At a certain point, it’s not worth policing his behavior if she knows it’ll never be up to her standards.

What really needs to come next is an open and honest conversation.

If her sibling isn’t going to clean, the least he could do is pay.

The brother seems to think living in someone else’s home gives him roommate privileges without roommate responsibilities. It doesn’t.

This woman is already raising five kids, running the entire household, and asking for the bare minimum of adult behavior.

Refusing to even read her message is the loudest red flag in a room full of red flags. She doesn’t owe him patience he hasn’t earned.

At the end of the day, he’s not her child — even if he keeps acting like one.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about siblings who treat every social outing like a weird competition.