When you graduate from college it is fun to invite your loved ones to the graduation ceremony, but you only get so many tickets.

What would you do if you had one ticket available for your father, but you were worried that he would cause problems if he came, and you have had many issues with him for years?

That is the situation that the young woman in this story is in, so she is thinking about using that ticket for her cousin instead, but she is sure that her father would be hurt by this as well.

I think it is a very difficult decision to make, but if she thinks that he would cause a scene at the ceremony, it is best that he isn’t there. Read the full story below and see what you think.

WIBTAH for not inviting my father to my graduation?

So, I (24F) am graduating in a week. I’m allowed to have four guests, and I don’t know if my father should be one of them.

Who would she invite instead?

The other guests would be my partner, my mother, and her husband (who I’ll call my stepdad to make things easier). My sister (26) can’t come because of school.

I’m from Spain. My parents separated when I was 9, and my father moved to Norway that same year. When I was 14, I decided to move in with my father in Norway.

Relationships can change over time.

My mother and sister stayed in Spain. At the beginning, our relationship was good, but as I grew up and became more independent, our relationship became more complicated.

My father has depression, ADHD, and bipolar disorder. Because of that, my sister and I have always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. However, there are some things he has done that I can’t simply ignore or justify.

Let’s see what he has done.

1. When I graduated from middle school, he decided to fly to Spain. I don’t remember why, but his flight back to Norway was on the same day as my graduation. As a result, I was completely alone there because I didn’t have any other family in Norway at the time.

2. When I turned 18, I was planning to celebrate my birthday with my sister, my best friend from Spain, and some other friends at home. My father became upset because “both his children had grown up and didn’t need him anymore.” He was so emotional about it that he said something along the lines of, “I’m going to spend the day in the forest, and we’ll see if I come back.”

He clearly has some mental health issues.

3. At the beginning of college, I moved in with my boyfriend at the time and his parents. During that entire relationship (5 years), my father repeatedly threatened to call my boyfriend’s parents and tell them I was a terrible person so that they would regret welcoming me into their family.

4. I had borrowed something from a friend of his, but my father wanted the item returned even though his friend had given me permission to keep it. We got into an argument about it. My father became so angry that he said, “I didn’t have a goal in life anymore, but you’ve given me one. And that goal is to screw your life over.”

Maybe her biological father shouldn’t be there.

These are just the major things he has done. There is a lot more he has done to me, my sister, and my grandmother (his mother) that could fill a very long book.

The other problem is that I don’t know how he’ll react by my stepdad being there. My father doesn’t have a good relationship with my mother, mostly cause he doesn’t want to (or at least doesn’t seem like it). So I’m scare he’ll make a scene by the presence of my stepdad.

I am sure her cousin would appreciate the invite.

I’m considering giving him one last chance to talk through these four incidents. If he becomes defensive, aggressive, or refuses to take responsibility for his actions (even just saying, “What I did was wrong”), I’m considering not inviting him and inviting my cousin instead.

I have a really good relationship with her, and we’ve become especially close since she moved to Norway three years ago.

If there is a real reason to think that he would ruin the day, don’t invite him. Otherwise, he should likely be there.

So, WIBTAH for not inviting my father to my college graduation?

He does seem unreliable at best, and graduation day is not the time you want to have to deal with this type of thing. Based only one what she wrote about him, I can completely see why she doesn’t want him there.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who doesn’t want to go to the amusement park with her friend anymore, because the friend can no longer ride most of the attractions.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this story.

He is not a peaceful presence in her life.

Graduation is not the time to give him another chance.

Graduation is about her, and he will only ruin it.

He has a pattern of ruining days like this.

He is not a stable presence in her life.

She doesn’t need to cut him off completely, but inviting him to this ceremony is just asking for trouble. He clearly has some issues of his own that he needs to work through.

There is no reason to give him the opportunity to ruin her important celebration. Hopefully he can celebrate with her another time where there aren’t other people that might set him off.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a young woman who struggles with her new reality after learning her adoption story was a lie.