Planning a wedding takes a lot of work, and once the big day is behind you, it is normal to have a sense of relief that everything went well.

That is what the couple in this story thought, until a few weeks after the wedding, they got a couple of notes from guests regarding their thank-you cards.

Two people who had sent them wedding gifts decided to criticize how and when she sent out her thank-you’s, which she finds very unusual. She thought she had escaped any type of wedding drama, but it turns out that these two relatives just delayed it.

Now she feels bad that perhaps she did something wrong and really upset her family members. This is definitely not something you want to deal with shortly after your wedding.

Check out the full story below and get all the details. See if you think she did anything so horrible that it required a note criticizing how she handled it.

Older guests and thank you note shaming, starting to lose it

I got married in October, and aside from a few classic hiccups, it was an ideal day.

This sounds odd. Let’s see what happened.

The drama has now appeared around thank you notes, and I’m confused, frustrated, and embarrassed.

Interestingly, both of these instances come from a very specific subset of one side of my family, so maybe it’s genetic.

Nothing out of the ordinary so far.

We opened our registry before sending out formal invitations, as I think is pretty normal these days. Gifts started to come in with RSVPs.

We chose not to send thank you notes for these early gifts in advance of the wedding, as I wanted to order thank you notes with a wedding photo on them, and honestly between working, wedding planning, and my now-MIL having a heart attack, my head was just not in a place to write them in advance.

That is nice of them to send a small gift.

The first drama: A family member who RSVPd no, and this person did not attend the wedding, bought us a small gift from our registry.

This is not a person I am close with, and I do not even have her phone number.

It is always nice to be invited.

Honestly, she was an invite I should not have sent, but because she and her husband live nearby and I wanted to be polite and include her with other relatives, I sent one.

Again, they chose not to attend.

Wow, that is bold of them to send this letter.

About 3 weeks after the wedding, and two days after our thank you notes arrived, my husband and I received a typed and printed letter from these relatives scolding us for not sending a thank you note yet, and saying that etiquette dictates that a thank you note should have been sent withing two weeks of the receipt of the gift.

They also mentioned other faux pas in our invite, including our dress code (cocktail, no denim please), and our plus one approach (no unnamed plus ones).

I can see why she feels bad about this.

Again, this is a married couple so the plus ones were irrelevant to them, and not further explanation as to what their issue with these things were.

This letter made me feel absolutely awful, I was in no way trying to be rude or ungrateful. Since I will likely never see these people again, I tried to let it go.

What could these people be upset about?

The second drama: Today, I received a Christmas card from another family member, closely related to the subject of the first drama, but who I am much closer to and feel that I have a good relationship with.

She and her husband gave us a beautiful bowl, custom MnMs, and a check. I wrote and mailed their thank you note on advance of this, and know that I wrote a heartfelt note about how much we love the bowl, the MnMs, and even the box it came in.

Oh, yes. You really should mention the money. If nothing else, to ensure they know you got it (and appreciate it).

What I apparently forgot to mention was the money, which I learned from a post-it note attached to their Christmas card calling me out on my omission.

I immediately texted this family member apologizing and thanking her and her husband for their generosity, and reiterating that the bowl was a stand out gift.

I agree, it is weird that they felt the need to call her out for not mentioning the money.

Ultimately, I am embarrassed and feel awful for forgetting to mention the money, but I am also struck by the oddity of calling it out. She handed me the card directly, so it’s not a question of receipt of the gift.

I am sick at the thought of being rude and ungrateful, but also dumbfounded by the way these instances have been communicated.

I’ve never heard of people doing this type of thing, regardless of generation.

Is this a generational thing? Both women are in their 70s. Do I need to do more to apologize, or should I just let this go and know I’ve done my best?

I thought I was in the clear of wedding drama once my wedding day passed, but apparently not.

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It would be one thing if they just got one note like this, as they could assume that the person was just weird. To get two, however, would be a little concerning. I don’t think they did anything bad enough to deserve to be called out like this, however, so I think they should just put it behind them.

If you enjoyed this post, check out this post about an entitled daughter who wants the same rewards as her hardworking brother.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about it. Maybe they have some good advice.

I think this must be what it was.

Yup, that second note was reasonable.

This person wants the expectation of thank-you notes to fade away.

Yup, just move on. No need to respond.

I agree with this commenter completely.

It is sometimes hard to believe the things that some people think are acceptable to do. The first card that she got was an example of this. She still had plenty of time to send out the thank-you notes without being beyond the ‘normal’ social expectations.

The second one was a little more understandable. They may have wanted to confirm that they got the money since it is possible that it was lost or stolen. There is really no way to ask that type of thing without it being a little awkward.

In both cases, I think she handled it well, and now she just has to put it behind her and move on.