Being an eldest daughter is often harder than being a parent!

This woman shares how she had to take care of everyone in the house including her brother’s daughter!

Check out the full story. 

AITAH for refusing to provide childcare for my niece and cover for my brother’s incompetence once again.

I (F37) have a younger brother (M31).

We come from a typical Latino family where I was expected to care for everyone and be responsible from childhood while he as the youngest was and continues to be coddled by our mother.

This is where everything started crippling…

A few years ago he got married to a woman he’d only known for a few months and about a year into their marriage she got pregnant. To put it kindly she was raised in an unstable household and has mental health issues.

I’m not sure of her diagnosis but my brother has insinuated that she’s bipolar. They eventually got divorced and went through a contentious custody battle.

My brother has her most of the time and her mother dropped the fight when she finally realized he doesn’t make enough to support her via child support. She is flaky at best and borderline negligent as a parent.

My niece (F5) now lives with my mother (her grandmother) and my brother (her Dad). Other than a brief 6 month period my brother has always lived with my mother, even after he was married.

Things get bad…

I have been a stay at home parent for 9 years and have 2 kids (7M and 9M). They are both neurodivergent, this is relevant because our home and lifestyle is designed to keep our household well regulated.

My brother has asked me to care for my niece here and there when needed. When she was younger and in daycare they would close for a whole week over the summer and she would spend that week with me.

This was her first year in elementary school and I have helped care for her during breaks and holidays when I can (I’ve only said no when we’re out of town or it conflicts with planned activities).

He has a tendency to ask me at the last minute even though I will usually reach out weeks in advance as I know I’m always his first choice.

She knows it is too much work…

My niece is sweet but because of the chaotic environment she experiences with her mother and my brother’s bad parenting (no bedtime, doesn’t hear the word no, no routine, and discipline is just time outs or spanking) she can be a lot.

She is disobedient, destructive, has no self control, and is emotionally dysregulated to the point her school referred her to a therapist.

Here’s the issue.

Back in January I asked him if he had a plan for summer childcare, he brushed me off and told me he’d figure it out.

From what I’ve been told by friends summer camp registration is cutthroat and they are planning and saving for it months ahead of time.

UH OH…

One of the main reasons we’ve chosen for me to stay home is the cost of childcare and the flexibility it allows our family.

A couple months ago I asked him again what his plans were for the summer and he told me he was signing her up for camp provided by a third party that works with a few of the local districts. Great.

Her school district got out a week before my kids did and the Sunday after her last day of school he asked me to watch her as he “forgot” that there was a 2 week gap between the end of school and beginning of summer camp.

I agreed for some of the days but couldn’t commit to all as I’m heavily involved in my kids school PTA and had committed to volunteering.

She knew he would make it bad for her…

Today is Saturday and she was set to start summer camp on Monday. He texted me this afternoon to ask if I could watch her this summer as the price of summer camp “jumped” to $400 a week.

It’s a lot but from what I know it is fairly affordable for our area. He’s a habitual liar and I know that the price of the camp is clearly listed on the camps website as I had looked it up when he initially told me about it.

I love my niece and it breaks my heart that her parents are irresponsible idiots but he has had all of his messes cleaned up his whole life by others and I’m sick of it.

He’s a grown man and a father, he should have planned for this.

He knew summer break was coming and has had a whole year to plan how his daughter would be cared for while he’s working.

She knows she cannot do much to help…

Watching her is also exhausting.

I am usually left on edge and drained after spending the day with her. My kids are neurodivergent so I’m familiar with meltdowns, regulation, and lack of impulse control but many of her issues come from a lack of consistency and parenting.

This often leads to me having less patience and grace towards my husband and kids than what I want for them.

I’ve had my family’s summer planned for months. I keep my kids on a fairly active schedule and make sure to work in academics, crafts, and field trips so they don’t lose any progress made over the summer.

Adding another child really throws things off, especially one as volatile as she is.

She has no idea how to tackle the situation…

Many of our activities are in places that charge admission. I’ve taken her on these outings before and not once has my brother offered to pay for her admission.

I told him no. I tried to be as short as possible and just told him I couldn’t because of prior commitments and now I have him and my mother begging me to reconsider.

I spoke with my mother and was honest about how watching my niece is exhausting and she agreed as she lives with her and knows how difficult she can be. I also mentioned how he has had every mess cleaned up by her or me, she conveniently sidestepped this.

She thinks he misunderstood the camps information regarding the price but I think he’s just irresponsible and doesn’t want to pay when I am a cheaper alternative (he offered to pay but gave no number).

She really wants to help but there’s nothing she can do…

She said she wouldn’t get involved but that I’m his only option and that she’s worried about who else would watch her.

I feel guilty because I truly love my niece and I hate the environment she’s being raised in and the lack of parenting but I have to draw the line somewhere.

If he can’t afford summer camp he can get a second job, spend less at bars (he spends his weekends when she’s at her Mom’s drinking), or take out a credit card like we’ve had to do when money was short.

I just hate that it will affect my niece who can’t help that her parents suck.

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Niece’s Mom is not an option as she’s already told my brother she can’t afford to help pay for camp. She has a son from a previous relationship who is 12 and who will be spending summer at home by himself.

That’s INSANE!

My husband and I have been married for over 10 years and has seen and knows the mess my brother is.

He told me he can’t tell me what to do but that he doesn’t support me watching her the whole summer. He pointed out how exhausted I was the last time I watched her for a whole week and how that affected the way I was with him and our kids.

Something I’ve been working on in therapy is not saying “yes” to everything and not burning myself out by taking on more than I can handle.

He also reminded me that because of her misbehavior we’ve often had to leave early or change plans when she’s gone out with us. My boys and I love exploring local museums and attractions and having her along will affect that.

Now she’s not sure if she’s doing the right thing…

I don’t want my brothers irresponsibility to affect my kids too.

So am I the AH for finally saying no to my irresponsible brother? Or is he the AH for being a horrible Dad and our Mother for continuing to enable his nonsense?

OUCH! That sounds bad!

Why does she have to be the one taking care of her brother and his daughter?

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a middle schooler who was totally frazzled after being left to babysit alone for 3-plus hours, and swears she’s never doing it again.

Let’s find out what folks on Reddit think about this one.

YES! This user knows this woman doesn’t owe anybody any explanations.

This user knows the brother is definitely an idiot.

This user thinks the mom is the issue.

This user knows this woman already has enough to deal with.

This user knows the brother was always relying on her for everything.

Somebody needs to learn to say no!

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man whose friends say he’s privileged for wanting to eat at nicer restaurants.