Family gatherings should make everyone feel included and valued.

The following story is about a woman who has a deaf stepdaughter who often feels left out at large family events.

So, she and her husband created a rule requiring guests to make some effort to learn ASL if they want to attend gatherings at their home.

While it may seem like a kind request, the decision sparked major backlash from several family members who didn’t agree with it.

Uh oh, sounds like a huge family drama! Let’s take a closer look.

AITA for only inviting people over who have bothered to put in some minimal effort to communicate w/ my Deaf Step Daughter

My stepdaughter Carly is deaf.

Weeks before Easter, she said a few things about not liking family gatherings.

She told us she hates being around both families because of how many people just leave her out of things.

Carly said she only really started to notice when she was older.

Then, she noticed it more when she did less running around with the other kids.

This woman decided to implement a rule to make Carly feel included.

We decided that moving forward, for events hosted at our home, we are only going to invite people who have bothered to learn some ASL.

We will also invite people who have shown they want to try to find a way to include her.

I do not mean fluency. I mean putting in the effort to at least be able to treat Carly like she is a member of this family.

Carly uses ASL. She also lip reads, so things like facing her help.

Some family members made an effort to learn ASL.

There are people who have tried. My sister, my niece and nephew, and my mom have made an effort.

But there are people who have never tried. There are people on his side of the family, too.

So we told everyone the new rules well before Easter. We said we are happy to host.

From now on, we want to make sure Carly’s home feels like a safe space.

We want it to be a place where she is loved and supported.

We also want people to include her and make the effort.

But other people complained.

My sister’s family agreed. My brother-in-law said he never thought of it this way.

He promised he would do better. However, my dad was awful about it. So was my brother.

Carly’s uncles and one of her aunts were also difficult. It was just a mess.

We have gotten complaints from both sides of the family.

I will say there is a trend with who made a fuss. It is, unfortunately, most of the men in the family.

This includes her own uncles, which is just sad. Carly’s aunt took the uncles’ side though.

Her brother made a rude comment.

Carly had a good Easter. So did everyone who came over.

Since we have the bigger home, we typically host.

I thought we gave them plenty of time to make alternate plans for Easter dinner.

I guess everyone was too mad. In the end, this is what my brother said.

“I look forward to the once a year I get to have ham.

But because you wanted to make one person’s problem everyone’s problem, I didn’t.”

Now, she’s wondering if it was wrong to create the rule.

Honestly, I wanted to write back to him.

I wanted to tell him to go to Kroger and get a package of ham and eat a damn ham sandwich.

But then again, I do not know if he could figure out how to use a loaf of sliced bread.

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Because of how much drama this caused in the family, there is a lot of resentment.

I wanted to ask you all if you think we were wrong for making this rule.

Sorry if this is really long-winded.

Wow, that’s actually a really thoughtful rule for making someone feel included.

In my opinion, the backlash and rude comments say more about them than it does about OP and her care about Carly.

It’s not asking for perfection, just effort… and I think that’s pretty reasonable.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a stepmom who says stepson isn’t doing enough, despite the fact that he’s working 12-hour shifts to pay for his own college.

Let’s check out the comments of other people on this story.

This user gives their honest opinion.

Short and straightforward.

Here’s a possible response.

Meanwhile, here’s a petty idea…

Thank you for being a good stepparent, says this one.

Inclusion isn’t hard, but ignoring it definitely is.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man whose celebratory post-grad school vacation is being ruined by his family’s insistence he’s being lazy.