She Kept Her Parentage Private Out of Comfort. When Her In-Laws Discovered the Truth, They Called Her a Liar.
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In the ancient past, there was a lot of drama about bloodlines. It was all about having children, ideally boys, to carry on the family line, especially if you were a family with wealth. But even poor families too were fixated on the last name, ensuring that the legacy was carried into the future, with boys taking the family name into their marriages and passing it onto their kids, ensuring the family’s place in history.
That is, in some cultures at least. Because in other parts of the world, female surnames or even combined surnames were the norm, meaning that society operated a little differently when it came to family names and legacies.
But if there was one thing that societies did not accept, it was illegitimate children, since their conception, birth and lives in general could threaten the family name, as well as its place in society by bringing shame upon it. Thus, the children of affairs were ostracized or treated like second-class citizens.
Nowadays, things are different. People are born of all sorts of different situations, with families coming together in some very non-traditional ways. But when the woman in this story found out that her in-laws knew that she was the child of an affair, things seemed to hurtle back in time, and the way they treated her was something she’d never be able to forget.
Read on to find out what happened.
AITA for never telling my husband’s family the truth about my family history?
I’m an affair baby. This is something I have always been pretty well aware of, but it’s not something I tell a lot of people.
My mom was young when she met my father, and she was unaware at the time of them meeting that he was married. My mom found out the truth about him when his wife showed up one day and told my mother that she better leave town or else.
She found out about me less than a month later and told him. This is when his entire family found out.
My mom ended up raising me on her own mostly.
Let’s see what happened with her father’s family.
My father and his wife stayed together, but there were times I met and was around his family, because they hated that he needed to pay child support and eventually, mom had to agree to say no to child support in order to stop him taking me.
We then moved so I wouldn’t be subjected to the mistreatment. My father’s children told everyone, and I was in school with two of his nephew’s who spread the news around that I was an affair baby and that my father didn’t want me.
I knew I was hated. My father’s children were never shy about the fact they hated me. One of his daughters, when she was seventeen, told me she found me repulsive and that she hoped I would die from a really bad disease.
I haven’t seen or heard from any of these people in more than twenty years now.
But nowadays, her life is looking up.
I met my husband when I was in college and I did tell him.
He was always so kind about it and promised me nobody would treat me that way again. He also respected that I didn’t want the news to go around.
His family were always nice to me and had asked questions before about why I only had my mom.
I told them I didn’t have much of a family and my father hadn’t wanted me.
They found out the truth in a way they never explained to me. But a few days ago they confronted me about being an affair baby and how could I not tell them because it was “really relevant”.
Yikes. Let’s see what their issue was.
My husband asked them why, he said none of that was my fault.
They said it was not so simple as my father being a deadbeat and my mom being the wronged party in that.
My husband told them it was never any of their business.
They told me I was a liar and that I’m ashamed of what I am which is why I don’t tell people. They said my character was questionable knowing what they now know, and that lying is never the answer.
I feel so bad because my husband is supporting me and this has damaged the relationship with his family. I also hate that this is the exact reaction I didn’t want.
AITA?
Her husband is right: she is absolutely not at fault for any of this, and there is no reason to question her character because she simply didn’t want to talk about a painful part of her past.
Whatever they’ve heard about her family or her upbringing is clearly slander, and a good family (whether biological or in-laws) would respect the person they knew, not the hearsay that has made its way to them.
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The fact that they haven’t, and that they’ve blown this up just like her abusive half-siblings? It shows them for who they are, and it’s not a good look.
Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.
This person agreed that her husband’s family were the ones in the wrong here.
And others thought it was a shame that they’d proved her reluctance to share absolutely right.
Meanwhile, others explained exactly how she could phrase her response.
Regardless of what they might think, her husband’s family are absolutely not entitled to anything, any truth or part of her past. They don’t have any claims on anything that she does not feel comfortable sharing. And after everything she faced growing up, it’s no wonder at all that this woman keeps that part of her life very close to her chest.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a disabled man who is considering cutting off his friends because they take advantage of him.
Whatever her husband’s family thinks they’ve heard, it’s absolutely abhorrent to treat her this way – and it must be especially stark when her husband has been nothing but accepting. He promised that nobody would treat her that way again, so it must feel awful for him to see his family doing exactly that, acting far differently to what he’d ever imagined. If they don’t apologize and explain themselves, there’s a solid argument for cutting them out of their lives completely.
This woman has spent her life feeling unwanted and being ostracized for her father’s deceit, which she had zero part to play in. Finally she has a family that she thought accepted her, so to see that fall away once again must feel like her past haunting her over and over. Her husband is a great guy and is finally giving her the love she deserves, and if his family refuse to do that? They can get in the bin.
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