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When you work in tech support, you have to know how to deal with many types of problems, including how to help people who don’t know what they are doing.

What would you do if someone called in who should have been trained on how to do his job, but he was entirely clueless and couldn’t respond to your instructions properly?

That is what happened to the tech support guy in this story, but after a lot of frustration (and a little humor), he finally got the problem fixed. No thanks to the caller at all.

This would be a really frustrating job, that’s for sure. Read through the story below, and see what you think.

I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas.

I’m on a small team of slightly deranged individuals who have the duty of providing world wide technical support for my company’s products.

We support the dealers who sell the stuff and are “supposed” train their technicians in the basics of how to be a technician.

Basic things like breathing out shortly after breathing in or FIRE HOT. However, it seems that many of these technicians were just the first mammal that could pass a drug test.

Let’s see what type of call this guy gets.

They are given a truck full of tools and the most effective weapon they will ever wield. It is a mythical instrument on par with Excalibur or Mjolnir. This legendary item that obliterates all foes before it is… Our phone number.

So, no surprise, there I was, sitting on the other end of that mythical phone number congratulating its user on having passed a drug test (not really, but it’s funny, so bite me).

Ok, the caller is having an actual issue. How can this guy help?

We’ll name our intrepid hero of mammals, Cricket because I could literally hear several crickets in the background during our call. However, I choose to believe the sound was echoing out of an empty space between his ears.

Cricket was calling in because panel 2 was offline. This alone isn’t a big deal as panel 2 is an odd variant of our product and most techs need a prod in the right direction to get their bearings.

This caller is not doing well.

Me: OK I’ll have you select the comms page in the top right of the touch screen. (10 seconds of insects chirping). Do you have the page pulled up?

Cricket: What page?

Me: On the touch screen. . . In panel 2.

He hasn’t even opened up the front panel yet?

Cricket: Oh let me go open up the door. (Walking noises followed by creaking door noises). Ok. Now what?

Me: Click the comms page button. (10 seconds of insects chirping). Have you found it in the top right corner of the touch screen?

Cricket: Touch screen?

Even someone brand new should know this.

Me: The giant rectangle that takes up the entire inside of what you just opened.

Cricket: Oh. It’s all black.

Me: Does it have power? (10 seconds of insects chirping). Hello?

He doesn’t even have the tools he needs.

Cricket: How do I tell?

Me: Tap the screen. If it doesn’t wake up, take a reading on the DC power supply. (10 seconds of insects chirping). Sooooooo. . . Is there voltage on the DC power supply?

Cricket: I don’t have a meter.

Asking for help is fine, but this is crazy.

I’m very exasperated at this point. I’m not even joking about the long pauses after my questions. If this guy doesn’t understand a question or command, he just stands there silently and gives no indication.

I’m doubly annoyed this guy didn’t even get out of the truck to look at the panel or even try screaming at it to assert dominance before calling for help.

Then I’m triple annoyed he doesn’t have an electrical meter which is the most important, must have tool in our profession.

At least this should be an easy fix, right?

After a bit more talking, liberally sprinkled with chirping insect filled pauses, we determine the power to panel 2 is not ON because nobody pushed the “Go” button on panel 1.

Me: OK. Can you push the “Go” button on Panel 1? (More chirping insects). Soooooo. . . You gonna get that?

You have got to be kidding me.

Cricket: It’s really far away. Can’t you do it?

I’m literally 1000+ miles away talking to him through a phone, but ironically, this is the least stupid thing he’s said all phone call.

Unlike panel 2, panel 1 is online and working perfectly. I log into it (hooray for admin privileges) and push the go button.

Well, it is on now. Hopefully, there aren’t any more problems.

Almost immediately I hear a confirmation the screen on panel 2 is doing stuff now. A few checks later we determine that everything looks in order with one exception.

The telemetry unit has no antenna. It’s just gone like it was never there to begin with.

Of course, more problems.

And that’s because. . . Surprise! it was actually never there to begin with.

I figure another drug test passing mammal was involved during the installation process.

After this discovery, Cricket hangs up to drive back to headquarters and get a new antenna, which completely fixed the issue.

How do people like this keep their jobs?

Cricket called back the next day as Panel 2 was offline again. We had already established that pushing the “Go” button on panel 1 provides power to panel 2.

However, I did fail to cover the important and not at all intuitive detail that pushing the “Stop” button on panel 1 removes that power.

Panels and telemetry units without power. . . Guess what? They don’t work.

I bet this guy has great job security. There is never a shortage of idiots who can’t figure things out on their own, sadly.

Read on to see what the people in the comments on Reddit think about this story.

A random guy off the street could be more helpful.

The guy was completely useless.

This is an insult to Patrick.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about an employee who totally rearranges her schedule, only to have her boss change plans last minute.

Yeah, they need something to change.

Why didn’t he even have the basic tools of the trade, though?

It is hard to believe that people like this can get a job, and then manage to keep it. Generally, an employee like this should have more training than this person received.

If tech support can keep solving these problems, it works out in the end, though. At least we got a story that is pretty funny, even if it was frustrating.