Her Roommate’s Friends Keep Walking Into Their Apartment Without Knocking—And Barely Acknowledge Her
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Sharing a room can get pretty uncomfortable when one person’s guests start acting like they own the place.
One international student is dealing with that after getting a new roommate less than a month ago.
The roommate herself hasn’t been a problem, but her friends regularly walk in without knocking and barely acknowledge that anyone else lives there.
After a while, that started making the student feel more like a piece of furniture than an actual roommate.
Now, she’s thinking about setting some basic boundaries but worries it could make things awkward.
Read on to see how you think she should handle this issue.
My roommate’s friends are inconsiderate when they come over. How can I address it without causing tension?
I’m an international student studying in a foreign country. I had been occupying my room alone for almost two months before I was assigned a roommate less than a month ago.
Thankfully, everything is going well with my roommate. We get along, and we don’t have any issues with each other.
The thing that bothers me is the way her friends behave when they come to see her.
When her roommate’s friends come over, they act like she doesn’t exist.
She has a lot of friends who regularly come to our room. They will often just open the door and walk in without knocking, come in with their shoes on, completely ignore me, talk to her, hang out with her, and then leave.
They don’t say hi, acknowledge me, or even seem to register that another person lives there. It feels like they treat it as if it’s solely her room and I’m just furniture in the background.
I feel disrespected by this, but I also don’t want to overreact or create unnecessary tension with my roommate or her friends.
I understand that they are coming to see her, and I don’t expect them to become my friends or have long conversations with me. But I do feel like basic things such as knocking, saying hello, and not coming in with outside shoes are reasonable when you’re entering a shared room.
Now, she’s thinking about having a talk with her roommate.
For context, I never have anyone over myself. I don’t really have friends here, so all of the visitors are hers. I also have absolutely nothing against her friends personally. It’s specifically the lack of consideration for me and the fact that they seem to behave as though I don’t exist that bothers me.
I’m considering talking to my roommate about it, especially the knocking/door and shoes issue, but I’m worried that bringing it up could create tension.
Am I overreacting? And how would you handle this without creating unnecessary conflict with your roommate?
Oh no! This sounds like a stressful situation.
Let’s see what the fine folks over at Reddit think she should do about it.
This reader has some opinions.
Here’s some good advice.
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According to this comment, she may just have to deal with it.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who went a month without water because her neighbor refused to let workers on “his” easement.
This person thinks she needs to have a conversation with her roommate.
She’s really not asking for much here.
If someone is coming into a shared room, knocking first and respecting the space should be common courtesy.
Since she and her roommate get along, the best thing she can do is bring it up before the frustration starts building.
There’s a good chance her roommate doesn’t even realize how much it’s bothering her.
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