An adopted mother and birth mother are bound by one very important element- the same child. Though the forms of love they give might be different, as well as their parenting perspectives, being on the same page about the kid’s needs are imperative.

How would you handle your child’s birth parent crossing severe boundaries with you and your spouse? One woman recently shared an uncomfortable example of this from her own life with Reddit. Here’s what went down.

AITAH for not giving money to my son’s birthmother?

My husband and I (48F) have two adopted children.

Our youngest (15M) was born in the town we live in, and we have a very open relationship with his birth family, especially his birthmother, “Mary” (60F).

Things have always been good between us.

That’s a healthy dynamic for the child to witness.

We see her 4-5 times a year.

We get her gifts for her birthday, Christmas, and Mother’s Day.

She is extremely poor— she doesn’t work and only receives a small amount of disability.

This sounds like a beneficial system for all parties involved.

When our children were younger, I stayed at home with them and my husband is a teacher, so we lived very modestly.

I went back to school and became a doctor.

Our financial situation has definitely improved.

One would certainly hope so.

We live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood.

But we have a big mortgage and big student loans.

Not long after Mary came over to our new house for the first time, she asked for money for the first time— $150 to pay her power bill.

Sounds like Mary’s true colors are about to show.

I called the power company to pay it and found out she actually owed over $450 and the $150 was bare minimum due so her power wasn’t shut off.

So I paid the remaining balance.

After that, I got a request every other month or so for small amounts of money.

This is dangerous behavior to enable.

And since we can afford it, I would give it to her.

But when the requests became more frequent, we told her we would send her $50 a month but that was all we would give her.

Mary gradually began asking for an advance on the next month’s “allowance”.

That behavior is wildly messy.

Eventually, we just told her we could not give her any more money, that it was becoming awkward and affecting our relationship with her and that was the last thing we wanted for our son.

She said she understood and things got better for a while.

She has 7 adult children and several siblings who she could turn to when she needs financial help.

Something seems off here if she is unable to go to them…

But recently she started asking me for money again.

$10 for an uber to the doctor.

$20 to pay her water bill. $15 for medicine.

Mary seems a little too comfortable asking for handouts.

All things that are necessities.

I felt guilty so I sent her the money.

But lately the requests have gotten more frequent and she needs the money immediately.

She’s going to become more audacious as time goes on.

She’ll text me in the middle of the day and tell me she needs money to get to the doctor for an appointment that starts in 30 minutes.

I started ignoring Mary’s texts asking for money and that seemed to work for a while.

But this week she has texted several times a day asking for $25 so she can get an Uber for an appointment.

The “block” button may be of use here.

Her tone is becoming more aggressive.

She told me if I don’t get her the money she’s going to have to reschedule or cancel the appointment.

I feel terrible because I can afford the $25.

But the gaslighting is unacceptable.

And I feel guilty because she has so little and we have so much.

I mean, we have her son!

But when do the obligations end?

But the constant asking for money is making me so resentful, I feel like an ATM.

AITA here?

Any sensible person would feel taken advantage of here. Let’s see if the Reddit community had any words of wisdom to offer.

The comments immediately gave the OP a reality check.

A few noted the oddities within the story.

As well as reiterated an important reminder.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who stops helping his neighbors out with his snowplow after they complain about his farm.

One person shared what they believed to be the ugly truth.

But the tough love was definitely needed.

It’s an adoption, not a hostage negotiation.