There are certain phrases in job interviews that sound nice, but only if you’re unaware of what they really mean. One of them is “We’re like a family :)”.

At first, it sounds awesome. So we’re going to be friends and support each other? Wow!

Except this isn’t what they really mean when they say family.

Someone decided to break down what they really mean when they say that.

It’s hard to unsee.

Read the full rant below.

If a company says “We’re like a family here,” run. Fast.

“We pride ourselves on our family culture.”

I’ve finally decoded the corporate genealogy. If your company claims to be a family, here is exactly what they mean:

The CEO is the Absentee Father: He pops in once a quarter to tell you how proud he is of “our” record profits, screams something about synergy, buys a third vacation home, and then vanishes for another six months while you struggle to pay rent.

Middle Management is the Toxic Stepparent: They didn’t choose you, they don’t like you, and they spend the entire day micromanaging how you load the dishwasher (or spreadsheet) while reminding you that you’re living under their roof.

It’s a hostile environment.

HR is the Meddling Aunt: She pretends to be your confidante over a cup of cheap office coffee, but the second you complain about the toxic environment, she runs straight to the patriarch to get you written up. “I’m just doing this for your own good, sweetie!”

Your Coworkers are the Siblings: You are constantly pitted against each other to fight for the sole remaining crumb of affection (a 2% raise) because “the family budget is tight this year.”

The best part? The “family dynamic” only goes one way.

She calls out their nonsense.

If I walk into my actual family home and say, “Hey guys, market conditions are tough, so I’m outsourcing Thanksgiving dinner to a cheaper family down the street,” I’m a monster. But when the corporate family does it, it’s just “strategic restructuring.”

If my dad asks me to help him paint the garage on a Saturday morning, he pays me in pizza and beer.

When my corporate dad asks me to “help out” on a Saturday morning, he pays me in Exposure and Growth Opportunities.

Maybe this narrative needs to be challenged.

The next time an interviewer tells you, “We treat each other like family here,” look them dead in the eye and ask: “So which one of you is going to bail me out of jail at 3 AM, and who am I cutting out of the will?”

Treat your job like a business transaction, because the second the corporate family needs to save a dollar, you’re getting put up for adoption.

Mic drop moment. What did Reddit think?

That’s a good idea.

A reader shares their thoughts.

Yikes.

Lol.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a company that didn’t expect their work-from-home policy to result in better time off benefits for their employees.

Another commenter chimes in.

Okay, we all know they use this line the same way a cult uses it.

They want your devotion but then give you crumbs and expect you to never complain about it. It’s very toxic.

The ‘family’ analogy usually ends where the company’s responsibilities begin. The boss says everyone needs to make sacrifices, but somehow the sacrifices always seem to be at the employees’ expense.

Also, if the company needs to cut costs, restructure, outsource, or eliminate your position, suddenly the warm language disappears and gets replaced with words like “business needs” and “operational efficiency.”

It’s okay for work to be work and family to be family.