Mom Agreed To Accommodate A Kosher Guest At Her Child’s Potluck, But Changed The Hot Dog Order Without Telling Them
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Hosting a potluck sounds like a great way to divide up the work of feeding a crowd. But when you’re the person promising everyone a meal, even the food someone else offers to bring can become your problem if it isn’t what you agreed on.
One host is preparing for a fairly large gathering and has promised guests a selection of grilled meats, including burgers, chicken and hot dogs. Their mother generously offered to cover some of the groceries, which seemed like one less thing to worry about.
There was just one important consideration: one of the guests keeps kosher, so the host wanted to purchase Hebrew National hot dogs to make sure he’d have something suitable to eat.
Mom knew about the plan, and the two eventually reached a compromise that would accommodate the guest without making the entire order more expensive.
Unfortunately, after placing the order, Mom revealed she’d made a few changes of her own.
And when the host questioned her decision, the conversation went from hot dogs to hurt feelings remarkably quickly.
AITA for not wanting the hotdogs given to me?
I’m hosting a somewhat large potluck in the near future, in which I mainly promised all the guests some basic grilled meats to act as somewhat of a main course (hotdogs, burgers, and chicken).
My mother very kindly offered to take on some of these expenses for me, particularly the hotdogs, hotdog buns, and fixings for the burgers. I’ve been very appreciative of this and have been sure to thank her throughout the process.
However with a large group, there’s usually some dietary restrictions present.
Naturally.
Particularly I have one friend that is kosher; so the only thing I can feed him guaranteed would be Hebrew National (HN) brand hotdogs.
With all the work required for both setting up and hosting this event, I wanted to make accommodating this as easy as possible; by just purchasing HN so I don’t have to cook his hotdogs separate from the rest and he also doesn’t have to ask me for when he wants a hotdog.
My mother was aware of this but did make a small compromise that worked for me. Buy one of those huge packs of HN, and a small pack of a different, cheaper, non-kosher brand for the rest I’d need.
Sure.
I figured I could just let him know when I was almost through the massive amount of HN so he could just take his share in time, and agreed.
However, she recently told me after the food was ordered that she got one regular size pack of the HN, and the rest as the other brand. Disappointed I asked her why. She said the other brand was “skinless and cheaper”.
I told her if I had known that was an issue, I would’ve just purchased the hotdogs myself.
She had one job.
She immediately got upset and claimed I hadn’t even thanked her throughout this whole thing (she has a lot of issues regarding memory) and hung up.
Now I still have to go buy the large pack of hotdogs and I have all these extra packs I don’t know what to do with. She had also tried to not accommodate a different allergy before saying “they’re gonna have to eat hamburgers and hot dogs without the bun or bring their own” until I just said I’d buy the buns myself.
I really just want to accommodate my friends without having to create extra work on top of all the work I’m already doing. So, AITA?
Commenters would have good reason to sympathize with the host’s frustration. Their mother volunteered to help, and that generosity deserves appreciation, but the two had also agreed on a specific shopping arrangement. Changing it without checking first meant the host now had to spend additional money and time correcting the order.
There is one important wrinkle, though: buying Hebrew National hot dogs doesn’t automatically guarantee that a meal is suitable for every person who keeps kosher. The host should confirm their friend’s particular requirements, including whether the food needs separate cooking equipment or preparation. Otherwise, buying more of the right brand might not solve the problem.
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Mom may have been trying to save money, and she might genuinely have forgotten the earlier agreement or the thanks she’d already received. Neither possibility necessarily makes her offer any less well-intentioned. But it also doesn’t make the host unreasonable for wanting to accommodate their guests properly.
The simplest solution may be to thank Mom for what she’s contributed and handle any remaining dietary-specific purchases independently. That way, the host can make sure everyone’s needs are covered without another argument over the grocery order.
This person says help should be, well, helpful.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who refuses to change her 4th of July traditions for her in-laws, sparking a family feud.
This person says to kindly decline any further “help.”
And this person says to just stop engaging with her at all costs.
Mom offered to take the hot dogs off the host’s plate, then somehow put even more on it.
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