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Our world is a truly beautiful place. That’s something that we know from the photos we see on the internet, but something that we can only truly feel when we take the plunge and go travel beyond the shores of the country in which we were born and raised. That’s why travelling can be such a life-changing experience: you get to find out who you really are beyond the constraints of your own society and your everyday. You meet new people, experience new cultures, and learn so much about the world – and about yourself – along the way.

So when the Japanese student in this story, who was living and studying in an English-speaking country, found out that her friend was planning to travel to Japan, she was understandably excited. Her friend, who claimed to love Japan, had the opportunity to get a local’s view of the country, including tips for how to get around, how to communicate, and where to go and what to see beyond just a regular tourist itinerary. So she made a guide and was excited to show it to her friend.

But it didn’t go down how she might have hoped.

Read on to find out why.

AITA for calling my friend a loser?

I (27, female) am Japanese and moved to an English-speaking country (not America) for university. My friend (29, female) is from my university.

She became my friend in university. I have a very Japanese sounding name and she immediately approached me to ask if I am Japanese because she loves Japan.

My English wasn’t great and she sometimes got frustrated, but we got along really well and became really close.

Only thing is, she doesn’t ‘love Japan’. She loves anime.

Uh-oh. It quickly became clear that her love of anime was quite intense.

She talks like an anime character, does the facial expressions and hand gestures, wears cosplay day-to-day and wants to change her name to the name of her favourite anime character.

She is a self-proclaimed otaku – though she did stop using the word when I explained that it has negative connotations in Japan.

It started to bother me a little bit when I first realised but people have their own interests so who am I to judge?

Now, she is still the same but with really impressive collections. She is also planning a trip to Japan for the first time. I was so excited for her to go and offered to put together a “guide” for her, she said that would be great.

But it turned out that this woman’s effort was wasted.

I spent days putting together a document with etiquette, places I recommend for food and to visit, places to avoid or red flags to look out for, phone numbers of emergency services and my family for if she needed help, and useful phrases!

I included my parents’ address because when I told them about it, they offered to have her stay with them, so I had it there as an option for her.

When I gave this document to her, she rolled her eyes and said that all of that was boring, that she thought I would be able to give her “insider knowledge” for anime tours that won’t have “stupid gaijin” (her words).

She also said she didn’t need to know any Japanese as it was a “waste of time” because “Japanese people are very respectful and will speak English for me” and “I know enough from anime.”

Of course, this was inaccurate, and the Japanese friend knew it.

I have explained to her before that most Japanese people don’t speak English very well and that “anime Japanese” isn’t natural but she is convinced that everyone will be able to understand her.

She also didn’t care about the etiquette or anything like that, she said it didn’t matter because people see tourists all the time so they don’t care.

She showed me her vague outline for her trip and it was just anime. Nothing cultural, nothing historical, just anime.

I can’t explain it and I know that 100% I sound like an ******* when I say this, but I was so embarrassed for her.

Let’s see how she eventually reacted.

I snapped and I told her that she has no respect for the culture of Japan, that she only sees Japan as the overly sexualised and cute anime that she watches, and that she’s a loser.

I said she’d be really disappointed when she landed and realised everybody just thought she was an otaku.

She was really upset and isn’t talking to me. I feel terrible about it, I shouldn’t have been so harsh but I had put in so much effort for her to just throw it in my face like it was nothing.

AITA?

Honestly, at this point you have to wonder whether her ‘friend’ is literally just friends with her because she’s Japanese.

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All the time and effort that this woman put into helping to guide her friend around a country that is wonderful but not necessarily super easy to travel with a complex language barrier, and she just rejected her outright.

What an awful way to behave toward someone that is supposed to be your friend – it’s no wonder she ended up calling her a loser.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit had to say about this.

This person agreed that she was not the person in the wrong here.

While others thought her hard work on the guide should have been properly appreciated.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who deliberately kisses his newborn nephew while sick with a cold, going directly against the parents’ explicit wishes.

Meanwhile, this Redditor agreed that her ‘friend’ was incredibly disrespectful to her culture.

There’s a difference between loving anime and loving Japan, just like there’s a difference between loving pizza and loving Italy. Sure they’re a valuable product of a specific culture, but they’re by no means representative of the culture as a whole. And claiming to love Japan when really you’re just obsessed with anime – to the point that you’re styling your own life around it – is bordering on unhinged. Loving anime and even collecting anime-related paraphernalia? Absolutely fine. Making your entire life anime-themed, then expecting to go to Japan, have a full-on anime experience, all the while expecting Japanese locals to speak to you in English and excuse your bad manners because you’re a tourist? No, that’s not even close to okay.

The cynics among us might argue that perhaps the reason she immediately chose this fellow student to be her friend was so that she had a Japanese friend to slot into her anime lifestyle. Hopefully, for the sake of the Japanese student, that’s not true because that would be really sad – but honestly, with all the effort she put into the guide to her culture and country only to be shot down and told its boring? Yeah, it kind of seems like that isn’t a friendship at all. And that’s heartbreaking, because she was so excited to share her culture – even the opportunity to stay in a real Japanese house – but it turned out her ‘friend’ wasn’t actually interested.

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Author

Kyra Piperides

Kyra Piperides, PhD | Contributing Science Writer

Dr. Kyra Piperides is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter, specializing in Science & Discovery. Holding a PhD in English with a dedicated focus on the intersections of science, politics, and literature, she brings over 12 years of professional writing and editorial expertise to her reporting.

Kyra possesses a highly authoritative background in academic publishing, having served as the editor of an academic journal for three years. She is also the published author of two books and numerous research-driven articles. At TwistedSifter, she leverages her rigorous academic background to translate complex scientific concepts, global tech innovations, and environmental breakthroughs into highly engaging, accessible narratives for a mainstream audience.

Based in the UK, Kyra is an avid backpacker who spends her free time immersing herself in different cultures across distant shores—a passion that brings a rich, global perspective to her writing about Earth and nature.

Connect with Kyra on Twitter/X and Instagram.