She’s Hosted The Same Backyard Gathering For Years — Her Boyfriend Thinks Not Changing It Now Is Unfair To His Family
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Traditions can usually be pretty flexible, but an invitation doesn’t require a host to redesign an entire event around every guest.
This woman invited her boyfriend and his children to an annual party, fully accepting if the bedtime arrangement did not suit them.
Rather than simply decline, he argued they were not genuinely welcome unless she abandoned her usual plans alongside him.
His RSVP came with demands.
AITA for not changing my annual backyard party plans for my boyfriend and his kids?
I (42F) have been hosting an end-of-summer party with my neighbors for years.
It’s always the same setup: adults and kids come, we all celebrate together, and at some point, the kids go to sleep while the adults continue the evening.
This year’s plan was the same: I was going to bring my kids (6 and 10) inside to sleep at our home, which is right next to the backyard. From the balcony, there is both audio and visual access to the yard, and my kids also have a phone they can use to call me if needed.
After putting them to bed, I planned to go back to the backyard for a little while longer to enjoy the evening with friends.
She tried to include her boyfriend, but he didn’t like any of her suggestions.
I invited my boyfriend of 6 months (46M) and his kids (5 and 7) to join us.
He declined, saying he didn’t feel comfortable leaving his kids to sleep at my place since they hadn’t stayed there before.
He also didn’t like the idea of putting them to bed at my place while he stayed outside with me, or going to bed with them while I stayed outside.
I told him I understood completely and didn’t have a problem with him choosing not to come.
But then he got upset and said that he and his kids weren’t actually welcome at the party because of the way the party was set up.
It all ended in a huge argument.
I explained that this party has been running for years with the same format, and it’s not really something I can or want to change for one guest. I believe guests can decide if the event works for them, and if not, they don’t have to come.
In his opinion, I should have left the party with him and our kids when it was bedtime.
On top of that, during the party, I didn’t have time to call him because I wanted to focus on my guests and enjoy the evening. He was very hurt by this, too, saying I should have made time.
This all turned into a big argument.
So, now I don’t know if I’m wrong for not changing the setup of a tradition (and for not calling during the party) to accommodate my boyfriend and his kids.
AITA?
Yikes! It’s easy to see both sides of this, but surely they could’ve come up with a solution.
Let’s see what the people over at Reddit think about it.
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For this reader, she should rethink even being with him.
Here’s someone who thinks he’s asking way too much.
Yet another reader who thinks this is a bad look for him.
According to this comment, he has control issues.
This host respected her boyfriend’s discomfort and applied no pressure, so maintaining her long-standing party setup was completely reasonable.
He could have declined gracefully instead of demanding she leave early and call him while she was busy entertaining guests.
He did not want an invitation; he wanted editorial control over the itinerary.
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