You know that one friendship where everything feels normal…until you realize you’re the only one doing literally all the driving?

This young woman has been besties with this girl for nearly a decade, texting daily, hanging out whenever she’s back home…no obvious red flags. Except for one tiny detail: in three years, her friend has never once visited her. Not for casual hangs, not for big life moments…not even before a literal heart surgery.

Rain? No. Car miles? Also no. Train? Definitely not. Parents said so? Absolutely not. At some point you have to wonder: is this a scheduling issue, or a she’s never coming issue?

AITA for being upset my friend won’t visit me?

For context me (23y/o f, friend 23y/o f). I’ve had this friend for almost 10 years now. 5 years ago, I moved two hours away. (Context, we still texted everyday, when I went home we hang out often, our friendship didn’t seem to change).

She still lives with her parents, and my parents live 30 minutes from them. For the past three years, I have asked her to come visit me in my own home.

Every single time I have asked, I am met with an excuse. “My mom says it’s going to rain, and she doesn’t want me to drive in the rain.” “It’s my parents anniversary this weekend and I can’t.” “My lease is over miles on my car.”

Woof.

I’ve given her different options like the train, or even to go and pick her up and take her to my house, and drop her off at her parents house. But it’s normally always something with her parents + some other excuses.

Last fall I was about to go through a heart surgery due to my heart defect, I asked her to visit me before, she said yes! But then cancelled on me day before bc her mom suddenly said no.

She told me that as soon as December rolls around, she wouldn’t be under their rule anymore, because she would be graduated. She would visit me then.

Sure, sure.

It’s now February. I asked her again to visit me for my university graduation, and she again gave me a plethora of excuses “my car is over miles, I can’t do train bc my parents think it’s unsafe”.

I, at this point am very upset with her. But now she’s trying to shut down the conversation, telling me she refuses to argue with me when it’s getting nowhere.

My issue is, is that I have driven down from my home to visit her many times.

And it’s never reciprocated.

When I stay at my parents house, I drive that 30 minute difference to see her all the time.

And when her and her parents lived an hour away, I still drove and visited her, using up all of my gas, and my miles. Everything.

She’s now angry at me that I’m arguing with her, and I’m just genuinely upset and confused.

Seriously.

Also bc some ppl were commenting, she’s always contacting me first (I do too I’m not saying I don’t), double texts when I forget to reply, and inviting me to stuff at her own house.

If I don’t text her for a few days, she will definitely text ask how things been. She just always makes excuses when I ask her to come see me instead of me seeing her.

AITA for pushing her to visit me??

The general consensus on Reddit: if someone wants to show up, they find a way. If they don’t, they find an excuse.

This person says to let her go because she’s awful.

This person suggests just stopping asking her to visit.

And this person is simply appalled at it all.

If the friendship only travels one way, eventually it runs out of gas.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.