How well do you think you know your partner?

If you had been married for almost a decade, would you think you know them pretty well, or would you be surprised when they do something that surprises you?

In this story, one Redditor learns an unusual side to his wife after she sides with a cousin and his off-putting statement.

See the story below to find out more.

AITA Wife’s cousin wants to judge if I am “right for her”, I react negatively

Background: I, John, (36M) have been married for 9 years to Sue (34F).

We each have a kids from before the marriage, both in high school now.

Sue wants to go on a trip to see one family member in particular…

She wants to visit a cousin in California (39M) for about a week and I support her, even though its not a fun vacation trip. I always support her when she wants to visit family.

This cousin, call him “Roman”, she sees every 3 or 4 years, although I haven’t. She often sees him on work trips to San Fran and L.A., and he misses family reunions for his own work.

But, she receives an unusual message from Roman before she leaves.

So about a month before the trip, she shares a “fun” message from her cousin Roman, who says “I’m sorry I haven’t met John before now.

I really need to meet him to make sure he is good enough for my special little cousin, Sue.

I’ll be watching him closely on the trip [to] see if he is the right man for you and earns my blessing”.

So, having been married for 9 years, I don’t immediately think much of it.

It’s a weird message, a bit creepy, considering we are already married, and I’m not a new boyfriend.

But what’s the harm? It’s a bit extra weird, given they aren’t close enough that this man has ever visited.

But, he’s all set for Sue to side with him against this nonsense.

I laugh and tell Sue it’s just a bit [of a] strange take on a 9-year marriage.

At this point, all I am looking for is her confirmation she understands that her cousin doesn’t decide her partner, and it’s a bit creepy to try to judge your cousins spouse after a decade of marriage.

Or perhaps its all an [un]funny joke, which we are all guilty of from time to time.

Instead she defends her cousin, saying its normal for him to act like a big brother, and it’s perfectly appropriate for him to genuinely judge her partner.

I try again to explain, ask her how she would feel if my mom or sisters said on our trip to visit that they were going to be judging her for suitability as my partner, to give their “blessing.”

How would that make her feel, how would she enjoy that trip?

But, Sue remains unbothered by the weirdness.

Again, she says its no big deal, and I am overreacting, and I need to get over it.

She further digs in by saying I need to “work to impress her cousin.”

This feels insane to me.

That’s when this husband makes a drastic decision.

At this point, her failure to recognize how weird it is at this stage in our relationship is getting to be as weird or weirder than the initial message.

In our last communication, I told her I wasn’t going with her, and we needed to have a serious talk about our relationship.

For clarity: I get that male relatives might joke about checking out their relative’s partner, but at this point it’s more about her taking it seriously, as if she is evaluating me.

It makes me think she is considering whether this is a good match and has a foot out the door.

We have talked extensively about this, and she is fully on board with the idea he is actually judging me, and she hopes I impress him.

WIBTA if I stick to not going? Am I overreacting by reassessing our relationship?

Do Redditors think the husband is overreacting? Should this wife get her head straight? Let’s find out what everyone is saying in the comments below.

Reddit felt strongly. The OP was NTA.

And some even had suspicions…

But everyone agreed the wife was the “weird” one.

And, of course, one Redditor even noted the irony in all of this.

This husband needs to talk to his wife about her weird cousin.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.