Imagine working at a store that caters to the elderly and sells items like scooters and canes. Would you think the customers would be nice, sweet grandma and grandpa types, or would you expect to deal with hardened criminal masterminds?

In this story, one employee expected the first and was completely caught off guard when an old lady drove away without paying for a scooter. That’s just the beginning of the crazy story he heard all about when his coworker returned.

Let’s read all about it.

Grandma Theft Auto

This happened a couple days ago.

I work at a family-owned pharmacy that caters to elderly and disabled folk. We sell durable medical equipment in my department (scooters, wheelchairs, etc).

My boss asked me to come in to work that day to cover for another employee.

I’m a broke postgrad nugget so I went in for overtime. I had no idea what I was in for when I walked in.

A customer wanted to take a scooter for a test drive.

About two hours into my shift, a tall customer who looks like she is in her 70s is escorted from the pharmacy at the back of the store into our department because she is having difficulty walking. We will call her Patricia.

My coworker — we’ll call her Teddy today; she is an 80 year old 5’3″ tough lady–assists this woman in sitting down on one of our scooters so they can look at canes and walkers together.

P: Oh…I had a scooter like this before… could I take it to the store down the street and then bring it back?

This isn’t too unusual. We’re in a little strip mall type complex and we encourage people to try out our equipment like this so they get what they want (and they don’t return it).

The custoemr agreed to the conditions.

T: …Uh… well…yes, but company policy would require me to take your card information until it was brought back.

Note: This scooter is over a thousand dollars. That Teddy is being this generous is awesome, but we’re known for our customer service.

P: Oh that’s fine.

She hands over her credit card, and gives Teddy her umbrella and the cane she’s planning on purchasing and takes the scooter out.

It turns out she’s a regular customer.

Teddy watches her leave the store before looking down at the card. Her mouth falls open.

Me: What?

T: -in a hushed tone- This is Patricia [last name].

Note: I have heard of this lady before, but I’m too new to have met her. I thought she was dead until she ordered a scooter over the phone the week prior. She is a notorious alcoholic and she’s bought 3 or 4 scooters from the store before…because she’d drive to a bar, get hammered, then forget her scooter. We’ve basically picked up and rented out and resold her scooters who knows how many times.

She must have forgotten that she already bought a scooter.

Me: Didn’t she buy a scooter from us this month?

T: Yes, and it’s here. We keep trying to deliver it but she won’t answer the door.

She looks again at the card in complete shock

T: I didn’t even recognize her!

Now, they’re really monitoring the customer.

Teddy suddenly gets really nervous. This is a lady who has seen just about everything (i.e. the type of woman who says: “sir I don’t know what catheter you need because I don’t know how big it is” in the blink of an eye).

T: Can you check and see if you can see her? She went down this way? I need to call [coworker of ours]

I go out there to look, and the other guy on shift – we’ll call him Dale — is already down on the corner and coming back up.

Dale: She took off this price tag. She’s gone in the liquor store.

T: Keep an eye on her. I have to call [coworker] to follow her.

It doesn’t seem like she’s coming back.

Once she comes in side, I’m kind of in awe.

Me: What’s going on?

Before Teddy can even answer, Dale comes back in

Dale: She’s on the other side of the interstate with a gallon of whiskey in her hand.

Teddy: Yeah, she’s heading home.

They know where she lives.

Me: …Uh … so what’re we going to do about that?

Teddy: Oh I called [coworker]. He’s going to go back to her house and get it.

This woman says this so casually…I just kind of stare at her.

Me: …Why not just…call the cops?

T: We’ll get it done before they get here.

The coworker came back with a story.

Our coworker that was sent on his boozy fetch quest soon returns on the scooter and just stops and sighs.

T: How’d that go?

Fetch quest bro: I had to sit behind her in a Carl’s Jr. drive-thru before I could do anything. I couldn’t just kick her off if she can’t walk.

We look in the scooter basket.

Bro got himself a burger.

It gets more interesting.

T: Did she go home?

FQB: Yeah. She was halfway through the bottle when I got there. I talked to her and got it back. She’s probably passed out by now. Apparently she just got out of jail.

Me:

Dale: Welp.

This customer seems crazy.

Me: -what is this job-

FQB: You guys want some fries?

Heck yeah I want fries.

Teddy finally looks at me and says: The worst part is… I was the person helping her the last time she stole a scooter.

…so…this wasn’t even a first.

I’m so glad I went to work.

All of that was definitely crazy, but to me, the craziest part is that it sounds like she already bought a scooter and won’t answer the door when they try to deliver it. Considering they chased her down to get the stolen scooter back, I’d think they could’ve dropped off the scooter she actually purchased at the same time. Either way, that’s one crazy old lady.

Let’s see how Reddit responded to this story.

This is a hilarious mental picture!

Here’s another story about a customer named Patricia.

This does seem like an easier solution.

Scooters are not street legal.

Old people are capable of stealing too.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a customer who insists that their credit card works, and finds out that isn’t the case.