It is a sad fact that many families are less than ideal, and so many people have to live in them.

What would you do if your mom were married to an abusive jerk, but she refused to leave him, and your siblings were largely neglected except when you were caring for them?

That is the situation that the woman in this story is in, so she wants to move out to another state to escape, but she is afraid of what would happen to her mother and siblings if she were gone.

While her concerns are definitely valid, I think the best thing she could do for herself and her family is to get out on her own. Read through the full story and see what you think.

AITAH For keeping my plans to move out of state from my family?

I’m 26 and ive been living with my mom for the last 6 months with a plan to move out of state.

Parentification is a big problem.

I’m the eldest daughter and I have been the second mom to my family since I was 8years old and it’s taken a toll on my relationship with my mom.

She was my first bully and I’ve been trying to work on our relationship for a while now. I guess we’re a little better nowadays but at the end out the day, she’s also an eldest daughter and she views me refusing to self sacrifice my whole life as selfish.

This family has a lot of problems, that’s for sure.

My mom has been with my step dad for 20 years and he’s contributed nothing to the family and is narcissistic and abusive.

He’s an alcoholic and is currently not drinking only because he now has to go to court due to his issues every month until November.

Nobody should have to be in a situation like this.

That unfortunately dosen’t change anything because he’s terrible person whether he is drinking or not. They had a big fight once while I was here and they haven’t since because I went absolutely insane and scared the crap out of him when he threatened to hit her.

I even called the police and my mom defended him. And while it feels good to know he won’t try anything while I’m here it still feels heavy on my shoulders.

Mom needs to move forward with that divorce.

When I did have my own place, I’d have constant anxiety of him harming my mom and siblings. He’s held my mom down by her neck and attacked my younger brother (17) multiple times.

My mom has collected years worth of evidence to divorce from him and even get him arrested but doesn’t ever fully take action on it.

Mom is not putting herself or her kids first. It is sad.

She argues with him every week because she still wants love from him but won’t open her eyes. And when I speak up about it it’s “I got this. I know what I’m doing” it’s extremely annoying.

She celebrates the fact that I’m here all the time because I “keep him in line”. It’s insulting because she’s not doing anything to get him out of here but wants me to carry it.

It is time to get out of this situation.

And not to mention that while I had my own place they’ve converted over to being Israelites. I’m more spiritual and the hate they spew is insane and I feel like I don’t fit into what they got going on.

And now my siblings are in it and it’s painful to witness. So, it makes my step dad act even more barbaric. He’s not working and even when he was, he’d rather die than contribute anything to the family financially, so my mom had to do everything.

Mom just can’t catch a break.

Then, when it couldn’t get any worse, my mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. Thankfully the cells are very slow moving and it’s not life threatening.

But she will need chemo. Now I feel this weight on my shoulders to take on her role to doing everything for the family and I feel guilty for my plans on moving away.

She can’t keep caring for everyone; they will never let her go.

My brother is hanging out with my step dad more because of this cult they’re in so he thinks he also dosent have to do anything.

I feel like I’m everyone’s maid. He has had everything done for him to the point where he can’t even wash his own hair. And my younger sisters (9 and 11) look to me for comfort.

It is time to pack up and go.

I love them to death but the thought of staying here makes me want to jump off a cliff. I’m moving to AZ from the east coast and I have so much waiting for me.

I even found a school that my Pell grant pays every penny for and my partner and I are getting married. I feel like things are finally looking up for me but then there’s my family.

If Mom wants what is best for her, she should encourage her to move out.

My mom knows about my move and isn’t excited about it because of her extreme anxiety and my siblings are actually happy for me to go because my moms so overprotective that they feel that’ll be their way out.

To catch a break but I still feel guilty.

It is totally understandable that she feels guilty, but I think moving out would be best for everyone in the family. It might force Mom to divorce her husband, and it could show her siblings that they do have other options.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who stirred up family drama by finally choosing her own mom over her in-laws.

Read on to see what the people in the comments have to say about this situation.

The stress she is living with is terrible.

She has to put herself first, for once.

Run far and fast.

She needs to get out of there.

Help yourself first, then you can help others.

Abusers will always have reasons why you can’t leave, and none of them are good. It is well past time for her to get out of that house and start her life, but it won’t be easy.

Getting out on her own will be so good for her, though. Moving to another state will help her to establish healthy boundaries. Someday, she may even be able to help her siblings escape, if they are ready.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a middle schooler who was totally frazzled after being left to babysit alone for 3-plus hours, and swears she’s never doing it again.