Watching a loved one experience abuse at the hands of their partner is very difficult and painful.

What would you do if your sister’s boyfriend was abusive and even cheated on her, but she forgave him and took him back?

That is what happened to the woman in this story, but she couldn’t manage to forgive him for what he had done. Her sister and others in the family say that she is being unreasonable and holding a grudge, but she doesn’t want to see her get hurt.

Personally, I think that while forgiveness is a good thing, that doesn’t mean you have to like the person ever again. Read through all the details below and decide for yourself whether this woman is acting appropriately.

AITA for refusing to forgive my sister’s boyfriend even though she took him back?

My sister (26F) and I (24F) have always been extremely close. We talk every day and have always been best friends.

If he has a problem with his girlfriend, he should talk to her.

In late 2024, she started dating a guy I’ll call Ronald (22M). They moved fast. After only a couple months of dating, he moved in with our family.

While living with us, he would complain about my sister to my mom and me and make her seem like the problem in their relationship.

This is not healthy behavior.

In 2025, my sister got pregnant. That’s when I started noticing controlling behavior. He didn’t want family visiting, wanted lots of “alone time,” and slowly pushed away the people she was closest to.

She eventually quit her job during pregnancy and became financially dependent on him.

Absolutely unacceptable, he is a danger to the baby and Mom.

After her baby shower, my older sister and I built all the baby furniture because Ronald was always “too tired” after work.

After the baby was born, he smoked marijuana and drove their newborn home from the hospital in snowy conditions. The first night home, he got drunk while my sister and I cared for the baby.

He is absolutely abusive.

He also insisted on getting a dog during the pregnancy even though my sister didn’t want one. She ended up doing most of the care while pregnant and later with a newborn. I witnessed him become aggressive toward the dog and punish it for accidents.

When the baby was less than a month old, he started criticizing my sister for not cleaning and cooking enough while she was recovering from childbirth, breastfeeding, and caring for a newborn.

What a horrible human being.

One night they argued and he left. My sister came to my mom’s house with the baby because she was overwhelmed. The next morning she went home and found another woman in their bed.

She was devastated. I took time off work to help care for the baby because she was barely functioning. I helped her find a therapist, attended appointments with her, and supported her through everything.

Why on Earth would anyone go back to someone like this?

When we went to collect her belongings, Ronald’s family became hostile. His grandmother screamed insults about my sister and blamed her for being cheated on. Police ended up being present to keep things civil.

A few months later, my sister got back together with him. She now expects everyone to forgive him and act normally around him. My mom and older sister have done that for the sake of the baby.

I haven’t.

Who could blame her? I wouldn’t want to be around someone like this.

I still see my sister and niece regularly, but I’ve told her I’ll only be civil with Ronald at holidays, birthdays, and family events.

I don’t want to hang out with him, go on double dates, or pretend we’re friends.

She has no reason to forgive this guy, especially not so soon.

My sister says I’m holding a grudge and that he’s in therapy. My family says I’m being stubborn.

I feel like the cheating was bad enough, but the controlling behavior, disrespect, and everything that happened before and after are what I can’t get past.

AITA?

They might have a point if it had been 5 years since these events, but definitely not now. I can’t believe her sister has forgiven him, much less expects others to.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who stirred up family drama by finally choosing her own mom over her in-laws.

Read on to see what the top commenters on this story had to say.

He is clearly abusive and should not be around her sister, her niece, or that dog.

People like this rarely change.

She may be her only lifeline.

I agree with this commenter; he is dangerous.

Holding a grudge is the right thing to do in this case.

Forgiveness is great, but taking someone like this back into your life is just stupid. By pretending that nothing happened and that all is forgiven, she could actually be putting her sister in danger.

This is textbook abuse and manipulation, and the sister is smart not to fall for it. She should continue to make sure she is there to support her sister and help her escape the relationship when she is ready.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a middle schooler who was totally frazzled after being left to babysit alone for 3-plus hours, and swears she’s never doing it again.