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Losing someone you love is never a nice situation to have to go through. In fact, it’s something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. It’s especially cruel when the loved one was young when they passed. When an elder dies we feel sad, sure, but we can say goodbye with the knowledge that they lived a long, full life. In many cases, when the deceased was ill for a long time before they passed away, the news can come as less of a shock as we’ve had time to prepare ourselves for it. This doesn’t make it any better, nor any less painful, but it can be a little more straightforward to make your peace with the loss.

But when you lose someone young and unexpectedly, it can feel like the world has slipped out from under your feet. The shock is only matched by the pain of the untimely loss, the knowledge that a life has ended prematurely, that their days were taken from them when they were only partly fulfilled. You wonder what their life would have been if circumstances had been different, what they would have done with their time, how they would have looked as they aged. It’s stark and it’s painful, and just with any loss, it can take a long time to heal.

In those days and weeks following an unexpected loss, we can say and do things that are out of character. It’s to be expected when you’ve suffered a big shock. But as healing gets underway life can return to something resembling normality, albeit with a large hole still remaining. And in that time, you can make right any strange choices you made during that initial time period, and with some luck those around you will accept this with love and empathy.

But for the family in this story, one of those unhinged decisions is lingering years after the loss of a seventeen year old boy, and it’s having a significant impact on the lives and marriages of those involved. Because those who married into the family, and the children who were subsequently born after the loss, didn’t choose to abide by these strange, grief-stricken family rules, but it’s them that the decisions are having the biggest impacts on.

Read on to find out what happened here.

AITA for blowing up at my husband for sharing pics of our daughter’s birthday celebration, resulting in my family finding out about it?

Ever since my brother passed away at the age of seventeen on his birthday, my family decided to never celebrate birthdays ever again.

It was mom and dad’s decision, but because of how much the family loved my brother, extended family decided to do the same and stand in agreement with this decision.

My husband would refuse to follow this decision, and kept celebrating his birthday, but my family and I didn’t say a thing about it since he’s not blood family.

But when I first got pregnant, the argument about celebrating our daughter’s birthdays occurred.

Read on to find out how they navigated this difficult topic.

My family advised me to just not celebrate her birthday since she’s a baby and won’t even remember anyway.

I agreed, but my husband threw a fit and insisted that we celebrate our daughter’s first birthday.

I caved in eventually, but told him we’d have a small, secret celebration so that my family wouldn’t find out.

He agreed.

But her husband didn’t keep it a secret.

The next day, I got a call from mom and she was so upset saying that my word meant nothing and that I have no respect for my brother’s memory nor the family.

I asked what she meant and she told me she saw the birthday party pics my husband posted on social media.

I was too shocked to even argue.

Let’s see how she responded to this.

I hung up and went straight to my husband to confront him about it.

He got defensive and said that he didn’t need my permission to post pics, and that he wanted to show his family the birthday celebration pics since I “insisted” we have a small, secret party and “exclude” them.

I explained to him how this made me look bad and like a liar to my family.

But he said “they can get over it” and called my mom “snobby”.

The drama escalated.

I blew up at him and we had a huge fight about it.

He started sulking later and said I ruined the memory of our daughter’s first birthday for him and “verbally abused” him with how I lashed out.

But I solely did it out of frustration knowing that what happened caused a massive problem between me and family. Now he’s expecting an apology from me.

AITA?

A father wanting to celebrate his daughter’s birthday, instead of abiding by a decision made by his in-laws’ before he even knew them, that proves just how much their unprocessed grief is still affecting the family? Shocking.

This decision from the grandparents is absolutely unhinged. Sure they are devastated at the loss of their son, but others no longer celebrating their birthdays isn’t going to bring him back.

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And why should a little girl never get to celebrate her birthday because her uncle died on his? That’s surely not what he would have wanted.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit made of this.

This person agreed that the decision was truly unfair.

While others pointed out how negatively the brother is now being remembered.

Meanwhile, this Redditor insisted that she should apologize.

Let’s be real, any teenage boy would likely be devastated to know that the impact of his life on his family was not happy memories that they could remember with a smile, but a legacy of ignoring birthdays and shaming others for celebrating them all in his memory? He’d be appalled. After all, the loss of a person, no matter how dear, doesn’t mean that all joy should be drained from the world, and this woman’s parents are being selfish for insisting upon it.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a grandson who is tired of driving 5 hours one way to work on his grandparent’s investment property for free.

But the real victims here are the woman’s husband and her daughter. The husband is finding himself stuck between a rock and a hard place, respecting his in-laws by not throwing his daughter a big party, but then being blamed for sharing photos with those who, as a result, couldn’t be invited. Sure, his upload didn’t really fit the bill of ‘secret’, but can you blame him?

It makes sense for him to put his foot down now, because how long would this have gone on for otherwise? Would the little girl never be allowed to celebrate her birthday, all the time seeing her friends being treated like princesses on their own, all because her uncle died years before she was born? This would only cause her to resent her uncle, which would be really unfair to both of them. Because this is no way to honor someone’s memory. It’s unhinged.

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Author

Kyra Piperides

Kyra Piperides, PhD | Contributing Science Writer

Dr. Kyra Piperides is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter, specializing in Science & Discovery. Holding a PhD in English with a dedicated focus on the intersections of science, politics, and literature, she brings over 12 years of professional writing and editorial expertise to her reporting.

Kyra possesses a highly authoritative background in academic publishing, having served as the editor of an academic journal for three years. She is also the published author of two books and numerous research-driven articles. At TwistedSifter, she leverages her rigorous academic background to translate complex scientific concepts, global tech innovations, and environmental breakthroughs into highly engaging, accessible narratives for a mainstream audience.

Based in the UK, Kyra is an avid backpacker who spends her free time immersing herself in different cultures across distant shores—a passion that brings a rich, global perspective to her writing about Earth and nature.

Connect with Kyra on Twitter/X and Instagram.